Michigan Camp Meeting 2016: The Harvest is Great

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Michigan Conference of Seventh-day Adventists

Relationship Revival

Pat Milligan

Tami Milligan

1. Are You All In?

Father in heaven, we just want to thank you so much for this day and the privilege of being able to be here at camp meeting.

And as we are here in this room today, we just ask for your spirit to be here in a powerful way.

We know that the devil is attacking our homes and our families and our marriages.

Some men here are not married but would like to be someday.

So as Pat and Tammy share, we just ask that you will speak through them in a powerful way, that your principles for relationships will come through clearly.

And Lord, we just wanna pray for each person here in this room, that you will be with them in their relationships, in their homes and in their families.

And we just thank you so much for marriage.

And we thank you for just showing us how much you love us through that relationship and how you want us to have that kind of relationship with you.

So today as Pat and Tammy share, we just ask for your presence in a powerful way, and we love you In Jesus' name, amen.

We are going to be talking about relationship revival and the title actually came from my wife because we wanted to combine principles of marriage and we all wanted to definitely combine God with it.

Because all of us know that marriage is severely under attack and I just don't know how anybody could stay together without a relationship with God And I know some people seem to do do it without God But we have an advantage as Christians because we can call on the Almighty to help us in our relationships and we can have this Relationship revival And so that was a good title, sweetheart.

We I've been in training for almost 34 years.

And we've had to we've had our moments in life.

Everybody has a good fight every now and then.

I'm not sure who's been in training though, you or me.

I'm going to say, this is a training moment.

So we're just glad to be with you and share some principles from God's word and just life.

First of all, prioritizing the most important things.

You know, 1 of the things that we like to talk about is that when you go through life and you go through your marriage relationship, I think revival's an appropriate term because all of us at times really need our Relationships our current relationships to be revitalized and how can we do that?

What are some ways that we can do that every single person in this room can do that?

You can totally infuse your marriage by God's grace with new and revived energy.

And 1 of the things that, as my husband mentioned, is are we all in?

I think sometimes we, without realizing it, maybe even subconsciously, we have 1 foot in and 1 foot out.

Not necessarily, some of us because we're not sure if this is gonna work and maybe we need an escape route, but the other of us honestly just maybe, you know, I'm in so far, but I'm not in 100% because I have to guard my heart So this week we're gonna be talking about a lot of those things How do we navigate those kinds of situations where maybe we don't feel that safe in our relationships?

Well, it says here this is a quote from a lady who's written a wonderful book.

She said, I used to want the perfect marriage and it drove me to distraction because marriage is never perfect.

The more I learned to find my satisfaction in God, the more satisfied I became with my husband and my marriage.

And what we have found is that if I'm looking to my husband to make me happy, I'm not gonna be happy.

Because really and truly happiness, that true satisfaction, that peace that we have in our life, that joy that we have comes from our relationship with Jesus first.

And when I first got married I remember my husband used to say things to me like this, he'd say, honey now it's so important that you love God more than me.

I thought, I don't know if that's possible.

I loved you so much, still do, but I could have eaten you up.

In fact, I remember sitting on the couch by you really, really close and you asking me to scoot over.

But the point is, in order to have that, that really, to be able to be that safe place and to have that joy and to be able to bring to your marriage and your relationship what you really want, you have to have that connection with Jesus Christ.

Also sometimes, hopefully not in any couple out here, but sometimes 1 spouse is actually maybe more committed to God than the other.

1 spouse is praying harder for the other.

And even though this is for wives, it can be also for husbands.

Your wife may be struggling in her relationship with God.

Maybe your husband is struggling with his relationship with God.

But 1 Peter 3, 1 says, in the same way you wives, or you could say husbands too, be submissive to your own husbands so that even if any of them are disobedient to the word, they may be won without a word by the behavior of their wives as they observe your chaste and respectful behavior.

In other words, I'll tell you a story, a true story about an evangelist.

He was in the area of Barbados and Trinidad and the Virgin Islands, and he was going from island to island doing evangelistic meetings.

And this 1 lady came to him and said, during the pre-preparation evangelistic meetings, that they were praying for the islanders and all their people.

She said, oh, Pastor Wiggins, pray for my husband.

Oh, he's such a scoundrel and he won't come to church and he won't pray with me and he won't read his Bible.

Well, Pastor Wiggins found out that word had gotten out to him that the people at the local Adventist church were praying for him because he was such a scoundrel.

Now do you think a guy like that would ever want to darken the door of that church?

I don't think so And so pastor Wiggins, he found that out.

So he said to her listen, you've tried it your way and it hasn't worked Let's try it God's way and so she said what's that and he said Well, what what is your husband?

I want you to make him the best German chocolate cake.

And when he comes in, he'll smell the aroma and he'll say, honey, what is in the oven?

And then when he comes in, you tell him, sweetheart, sit down.

I want to rub your feet." She said, if I did that, the man would faint.

And so she said, well, I've tried everything else.

2. Loving Out Loud

Father in heaven, as we talk about relationship revival, we just pray for the Holy Spirit to lead us and guide us as we study the principles of the word of God.

And we thank you, Lord, that you love family and you love marriage.

And Lord Jesus, we recognize that unless the Holy Spirit comes and inspires our thoughts and words in the hearts of each person here No real revival will occur So we are completely dependent upon you father and give you all the praise that you've promised We're 2 or 3 year gathered you are here And we ask for the Holy Spirit to fall with great measure in this place.

We're talking today about his needs and her needs, and we'll start by a woman needs her man to do what?

Everybody knows Matthew 6, 33, to seek first the kingdom of heaven and his righteousness and all these marriage needs Will be added unto you did I add something there?

Whatever you need will be added unto you And is God interested in helping us with our marriage?

So it's definitely, you never have to pray, Lord, if it's your will, help me.

And the 2 great institutions that he gave us, the Sabbath and marriage, and so absolutely.

Speaking of haircuts, we'll talk about that later.

But anyway, it's his good pleasure to want to give us healthy, happy marriages.

So to have the best marriage, we don't have to guess about this.

We have Jesus in our marriage, it's going to be a lot smoother sailing.

When I first proposed to my wife, I asked her, would you be second in my life next to Jesus?

Because I knew that if I didn't have Jesus in my heart, I probably would be very self-centered and it would be, you know, what am I gonna get out of this marriage?

And it would not, I don't think I would have been the best candidate for a husband without Jesus, okay?

And the good news is, when I was 16 years old, that was my prayer, for the Lord to give me a sign that the man I was to marry would propose and say, would you be second in my life next to Jesus?

So when he proposed that way, I left him on the creek bank.

And you'll have to click through these really fast because we have lots of them.

You want to talk about a woman needs to trust her man?

Well, I think absolutely trust is really important.

And also faithfulness and provision and protection.

Leadership, servitude, intimacy, attention, listening time.

I need time for my husband to listen to me.

Affirmation, prioritization, making sure I'm a priority.

To be an example, compliments, a hot date now and then, ladies, amen.

Very, very important, all of those things.

Yeah, we were going to talk about some of these, but let's look at this.

Servitude, sometimes we talk about Ephesians chapter 5 about that the woman should submit unto the man.

We need not forget that in the book of Ephesians chapter 5, it also talks about how we should serve 1 another as well.

She loves to serve me as a king, I love to serve her and treat her like a queen, amen?

So she doesn't mind treating me like a queen, especially when I'm, I mean a king, especially when I'm treating her like a queen, amen?

And so that was actually the only question in our question box.

How many of you are going to write down a question today?

You're supposed to be writing down questions and putting them in the box.

And that was 1 of the questions was, really, you know, how about this quote unquote I'm supposed to serve, or I'm supposed to submit, or I'm supposed to, you know what I mean?

And I believe it's like this, it was just like my husband said, as We treat each other in the very best way as we serve Christ first.

But I think what I heard in this question was, I serve him a lot, but I don't get it back maybe.

If you don't give it back to me, I'm just going to quit being a faithful spouse?

Well I think for sure, I don't know about you, but sometimes we tend to memorize a list and we say, okay, if I do this, this, and this, then he's gonna do this, this, and this.

I think really and truly what gives emphasis to me is I was created for God's glory, And I was created to reveal God's character.

Part of my revealing God's character is in the way that I minister to and treat my husband.

So I answer to someone much higher than him.

I want to be the woman and the wife that God created me to be Regardless of how he is.

I love that story about the lady who's married to the Marine sergeant.

Yeah, and and oh man She had to get up at 06:00 in the morning and fix him breakfast at 06:00 sharp.

She had all these regimented rules she had to go through, and it was like being in boot camp.

Then later on, he passed away, and she married this other guy.

And what happened there, honey, when she married this other guy?

Well, she married a gentleman that just adored her.

She really had the marriage for the first time that she desired.

And 1 day after they'd been married several years, she was up in the attic cleaning things out, and she found 1 of those old lists that her marine husband had had for her.

When the coffee had to be on, how the breakfast had to be on, all the way down, or when the Roma was supposed to be on.

3. Safety First

It's turned off very beautiful after the morning showers.

And we're just so glad that you're with us today.

We're going to be talking today about how to fight fair.

We could say just never fight, but if you're married long enough, sooner or later, you're gonna have a little spat.

I mean, well, you know, pinch both of us, right?

And it really is about how we can, how can we establish safety?

How can we have safety in our relationship so that when we do have interactions that are highly intense, when we do have discussions, as some people prefer to call them.

When we do have conflict, how can we create safety in our relationship so it's not devastating?

And it takes us days or weeks or even months to get back to where we were.

That's right, so let's have a word of prayer as we begin.

Father God of all relationships, Lord we know that you are the 1 that invented relationships because we know that you and the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit are a family together.

And then You created the angels to be family, but the crown and glory are the human beings who were made in Your image.

And we know that you love the family so much.

And so we just pray that Your sweet Holy Spirit will be here with us to teach us, to guide us this afternoon.

You know, we're going to be Family forever.

Now I know that Jesus said that in Heaven, we'll neither be married nor given in marriage.

I still believe she's going to be my best friend forever in heaven, amen?

So I don't think because there won't be marriage like it is here, where we'll be procreating and all of that, we will still dwell as families together, Amen?

And like Tammy said earlier, how did you say that sweetheart, that God puts each other together?

God puts us together for the saving of each other.

So we help 1 another, or 1 is strong, the other 1, and vice versa.

So safety, what does it look like, and how do we handle conflict?

My husband and I will be the first to say we've had a few knockdown drag outs.

But we have definitely had conflict where my voice gets higher and intense and his voice gets stronger and you know there's this intensity of emotion.

I remember 1 time he went out and slept on the couch and I was in bed and guess who suffered more me or him?

Actually I did I don't sleep good without him.

So I came out about 2 in the morning and begged him to come back, even though he was in the wrong.

Anyway, so when it comes to conflict, I think we all know what that looks like.

Now, I always tell her when we get into an argument, well we wouldn't have gotten into an argument if you hadn't started it.

So see there's some of those zingers that don't work real well, but you know what?

We are gonna share with you a tool that was shared with us early in our marriage that absolutely transformed how we manage conflict today.

And when you leave you'll have a handout that I promise you it works very well and you'll love it.

Hey, we even have questions so we're going to take some time a little bit later on for your questions.

I know that when I get in a conflict with you where emotions are high, opposing opinions, high emotion, strong feelings, I don't feel like praying.

It's not something that comes naturally where I say, oh darling, let's stop and pray.

So prayer, but what I find is more and more as I walk this journey with the Lord, I have a tendency to just offer up a quick prayer so much of the time that it becomes natural.

So when you start to see a conflict or something's happening, you can just send up a prayer, God help us, God be with us right now.

You know, when our children were small, we have a son and a daughter, and when they were just young, I would say that our greatest arguments were over how to raise children.

And so there were times we get in a little disagreement, sometimes a strong disagreement.

Now, we tend to bring the baggage that we grew up with, we tend to bring that into the marriage.

So in my life, my little grandmother raised me, but my mother struggled because she had a nervous breakdown when my father left when I was 5 years old.

So I grew up seeing my mom and my grandmother argue a lot.

And so what would I do as a youngster, a teenager, when I would see them argue?

So when we would get into an argument, guess what Pastor Pat would do?

Because she wanted to stand there and kind of fight it out and get to the end.

Isn't that amazing how we bring this into our childhood?

I definitely felt my way was the right way to stay and just get it all out on the table and work it out right then.

And he definitely felt his way was the right way.

Well, I didn't want to do something ugly.

You know, you can do something really ugly in an argument if you're not careful.

So I thought it would be better for me just to walk away and that might punish her a little bit.

And so I would get in my car, and the good news is they always give the pastor the keys to the church.

And so I would go to the church and I would lock the door behind me and I would get on the front pew and I would begin to pray, dear Lord, you know that Tammy and I right now are having a serious, serious disagreement.

And Lord, I love her, but I don't like her.

And I'd say, dear Lord, please, please change my heart so that I will not only love her, but I'll like her.

And Lord, if I'm part of any of this, then forgive me too, Lord.

I know that I've got at least a few percent.

And I would just pray to God and beg God to help us.

4. Best Friends

Father in Heaven, Lord, bless us as we share.

We thank You, Lord, for being the God of all relationships and that we want to find truth from Your manuscript, which is the owner's manual of marriage, and we know that's the Word of God.

So as we share principles from the Word of God and the Spirit of prophecy, we know You'll bless us, so we thank You in Jesus' name, Amen.

We'll just start off with what does respect look like and what is the opposite of respect, which is disdain or scorn.

And there's a good example in the Bible of someone that disdained their husband and the results of that.

Can anybody take a guess who I might be talking about?

It happened to be that God was going to allow the Ark of the Covenant to go back to Jerusalem.

And they were going to do it the right way instead of doing it according to Philistine philosophy.

You remember that didn't work when Uzzah tried to study the ark.

And it was in the house of Obed-Edom for many, many months.

And God in the Bible says that God blessed the house of Obed-Edom because the Ark of the Covenant was in his house.

So now they were going to take it out, take it back to Jerusalem.

And David was before the Ark of the Covenant and he was excited and he was skipping and dancing before the Lord, taking it back.

And his wife, Michael, saw what he was doing and she disdained him.

She didn't, she was, it was the opposite of respect.

And she said, you know, wow, right in front of the women of Israel, they all saw you do this.

And and she, you know, and and David says, you know, what have I done?

This was God was well pleased with what I was doing.

And the Bible says that after that happened and in 2nd Samuel Chapter 6 verse 23 therefore Michael the daughter of Saul had no children to the day of her death now I don't know why God allowed her not to have children.

It seems like to me it was a little bit of a of a curse or a punishment or some of some type.

I don't know if David just said, well, you know, no more sex for you.

And she didn't have children or if it was just a curse, but nevertheless, God was not well pleased with Michael because she did this to her husband.

So a husband, we all need love, Everybody needs love, but a man especially needs respect.

And Michael was not giving that to David.

So it causes us to stop and think a couple of things is, if this was a punishment, Definitely when you're in a leadership position, I think God holds us more accountable.

Because things in the leadership position, oftentimes that occur, they're more well-known.

And so it'll be interesting to know more of the details of that story when we get to heaven.

Series

Relationship Revival

5. ‘Making’ Love

Transcript

Parent Series

Parent Conference

Sponsor

Recorded

Relationships – Ambassadors

Processing the ONE

1h 25m

Building Homes of Hope and Wholeness

02 Relationships and Marriage

59m

Marriage

How Keeping Your Vow Benefits Many Lives!

47m

Relationship Revival

2. Loving Out Loud

1h 11m

Breakout Session A

The Foundation for a Happy Marriage

1h 6m

The God-Arranged and Blessed Marriage

Principles of the God-Blessed Marriage

57m

Advising Love: From Attraction to Anniversaries

3. Advising Love’s Commitment: Engagement and Wedding

1h

To Have and to Hold on

Holding On - Part 5

1h 13m

Waters Family Weekend 2005

Learning to Become One

42m

Families

Leading Our Families

57m

Phil Mills: Preparation for a Happy Marriage

God’s Purpose in Marriage

45m

The Great Decision: Who Should I Marry?

1h 19m

Sound Doctrine