Do you feel the need to become equipped as parents to be able to disciple your children? Join Ben and Brianna as they explore the different facets and challenges of Christian parenting. You’ll leave with actionable next-steps for your family discipleship plan.

GYC 2019: By Many Or By Few

<p>Do you feel the need to become equipped as parents to be able to disciple your children? Join Ben and Brianna as they explore the different facets and challenges of Christian parenting. You’ll leave with actionable next-steps for your family discipleship plan.</p>

<p>Free sharing permitted under the Creative Commons <a rel="license" href="http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc-nd/3.0/us/">BY-NC-ND 3.0 (US)</a> license.</p>

Generation. Youth. Christ. (GYC)

Discipleship: A Parent's Guide

Ben Martin

Brianna Martin

How to be a Match-Maker

This message was presented at the GYC conference by many or by few in Louisville, Kentucky.

For other resources like this, visit us online at gycweb.org.

Okay, they've turned the volume up for sure, so you should be able to hear us better now.

So here's the thing, if we talk about what the main goal of parenting is, I think it's something clear that we would all agree on.

I mean, the simple fact that we're here at GYC means that this is something that we're passionate about.

And the main goal of parenting is to bring our kids to Jesus Christ.

Anything else becomes meaningless in light of that.

So that is what we're going to spend the next 4 sessions talking about.

How can we as parents disciple our children to bring them to Jesus Christ?

So 1 thing that we sometimes miss the point on as parents is that we start, we might think about our goal, but we start then working toward our goal, and we always start planning with step 1, right?

And that seems smart and normal and natural.

But the thing is, it's important to work backward.

It's important to start with the goal first and think, now, main goal in mind.

I can't think of step 1 without thinking of the main goal first and foremost.

So we sometimes make a plan with step 1 and then we sort of hope we end up at the goal, but you've got to keep the goal in mind and work backward from that.

So every day, you wake up with your goal in mind.

And the steps follow from the goal and not the other way around.

And it makes a lot of sense not just for school, but also for parenting and for life.

And it's really easy, really easy, to get bogged down in the details, in the minutia of parenting, the little things that take up our time and our energy emotionally and physically, and feel like those things are the point.

But we've got to keep the goal in mind so that we stay focused on what the actual battles that we want to fight, what are the actual things that we want to focus on that are getting us to our goal with our kids that saving relationship with Jesus Christ.

In Deuteronomy chapter 6 verses 4 through 9 we have what's called the Shema.

And this was immediately following the 10 Commandments as they're found in Deuteronomy.

But here it reads, 10 Hereo Israel, the Lord is our God, the Lord alone.

You should love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind.

Keep these words that I'm commanding you in your heart.

Recite them to your children and talk to them about when you are home and when you are away, when you lie down and when you rise, bind them as a sign on your hand, fix them as an emblem on your forehead, and write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates.

I just want to spend a couple moments unpacking this.

What is it that we're passing on to our children?

What, what is it that we're asked to pass on here?

And so, it's starting out with that, like, That's what you're supposed to pass on.

I mean, and here it uses bookends from when you lie down to when you wake up.

When you are at home and when you're away.

And so realize that discipleship parenting means that there is no off time.

There's no space where you are not responsible.

But then also we have to use every possible tool to bring our kids to Jesus.

How do we discipline in a way that brings our kids to Jesus?

So before we get into this too far, I just want you to talk to each other again.

You guys are at round tables because we want this to be an interactive experience.

So we learn better when we talk about the things that we're learning.

So I want you to just share with the people at your table what comes to mind when you hear the word discipline.

So just take maybe like 30 seconds and share with each other what first pops into your mind when you think about the word discipline?

OK, so who's willing to raise their hand and just let us know what comes to mind.

Who else thought punishment, actually, first of all?

How many of you think of discipline as a positive thing first and foremost?

Might be different if we asked just the kids.

We just want to get an idea, because discipline means different things to different people.

And it's a word with more than 1 meaning.

So we're going to talk about another word that came up, which is punishment.

And discipline and punishment are often closely related, but they're not the same thing.

But unfortunately, we think a lot about punishment when we're thinking about discipline.

And so I just wanted to talk a little bit about the differences.

So I'm not sure if everybody can see this.

It's also on the resource handout for this seminar.

How to be a Super Model

For other resources like this, visit us online at GYCweb.org.

And we've got some new faces, and that is fantastic as well.

For those of you who are new, let's just reintroduce ourselves real quick here.

I am the children and family discipleship pastor at Pioneer Memorial Church and I married up.

This is my wife Brianna and she has been a teacher and educator, school administrator, and right now she has a blog, DiscipleMama.com, and how to bring our kids to Jesus is something that we are both very passionate about as far as careers, but also as parents and how can we disciple our children so that they grow up knowing only Jesus.

Dearest Heavenly Father, God, we humbly come to you and ask that you will be with us as we talk about this next part.

This part is 1 of those things that is apparent, it's mildly terrifying.

But we know that we can do this because we do not have to do this alone.

The God of the universe walks with us, and so we thank you for that, and we invite you to join us as we talk about this.

Lead this conversation in your name, amen.

If anyone needs a paper or pens, we've got some up front, we can bring that to you, so just raise your hand and we would be.

And we apparently need to talk louder, so that's good too.

1 of the things you realize very, very early as a parent is your kids want to be just like you, which is terrifying because I don't always want to be just like me.

My oldest son, Emmett, 1 day, he's packing up a bag and he said, what are you doing?

And he said, oh, going to a lunch meeting.

And at the church, There's the back hallway where all the offices are and There's a tiny door that's under the Baptist tree and he tells people that that's his office He's told people to go ahead and put things on his desk and so forth But 1 of those moments where it became the most clear that he wanted to be with me is I was out mowing the lawn and he had his little lawn mower and he's walking right beside me accomplishing nothing but feeling oh so proud.

But just watching these kids and the 2 boys, their absolute favorite game to play is baptisms.

Those boys will do baptisms all day long.

And even the two-year-old, like he loves baptizing, but he's also figured out there's a formula to this.

And so If you're not noticing the baptism, he will call your attention to it and say, you need to say amen, and makes that really clear.

Yes, my two-year-old was baptizing my six-foot-four dad with like a biker mustache like I don't know probably 27 times a day over our Christmas time with my family very very fun and exciting we had to say amen every time every time can't miss it I was just gonna this this is 1 more story about how our kids try to model us.

And this isn't a good 1 for my husband to tell, because he says things like, and a mere 40 hours later our son was born.

You can tell he doesn't take it seriously, right?

So Before our second son was born, obviously I was pregnant, and I had morning sickness and also an 18-month-old.

And those 2 things are really, really fun to have at the same time.

Some of you've probably experienced that sort of a thing.

And I had morning sickness but calling it morning sickness is also 1 of those things that's really a lie because it was all the time sickness for 20 weeks.

So I was pretty miserable as a pregnant lady, and my little energetic 18-month-old boy was my constant companion, And he wanted to be with me, even though I was kind of a miserable person to be around, he wanted to be with me and he wanted to be like me.

I realized it for sure 1 day when I smelled a smell, and if you have experienced morning sickness or all the time sickness as a pregnant woman, you know that it doesn't even necessarily have to be a bad smell that you smell.

You can smell a smell and bad things happen.

So I smelled a smell, I think it was like lotion or chapstick and it just was too much for me.

I ran to the bathroom, I leaned over the toilet, and stuff happened.

But when I noticed a disturbance at my side, I realized that Emmett, my little boy, was also leaning over the toilet and gleefully making the most disgusting noises that he could muster and just smiling at me so big, oh mommy this is fun, Do it again.

And I realized it doesn't matter what we're doing, where we are, how we're feeling, when we're doing it.

We are modeling to our kids all the time.

I certainly wasn't thinking about teaching him by example in that moment, but he was still learning from me.

And you know, and I learned from him too because I actually smiled a little and it was a bad situation, But I could laugh about it a little bit later.

But he was just so excited to spend that time with me and to just do what I was doing with me.

And our kids, when they're very young, they're pretty awesome companions, but we are teaching them all the time.

Well, this is not working, so that's cool.

I can talk if you want to See if you can figure that out.

So there are, there's no question about it as, oh there, there we go, we're saved by relationship.

And if you don't believe me, let's turn to John chapter 15.

If you have your Bible, if not, I'm assuming you have a phone.

And here, Jesus is sharing some of his last messages before the cross.

He is making everything as clear as he possibly can to his disciples.

And here in the beginning of John chapter 15, you have the vine and the branches.

And I just keep coming back to this because in a few verses, you've got the entire gospel, you've got the entire Christian walk.

Abide in me and I in you, just as the branch cannot bear fruit by itself unless it abides in the vine, neither can you unless you abide in me.

Those who abide in me and I in them bear much fruit, because apart from me you can do nothing.

Whoever does not abide in me is thrown away like a branch that withers.

Such branches are gathered, thrown into the fire, and burned.

And this abiding in him and him in us, this becomes the defining line of whether or not we're producing fruit, whether or not we're accomplishing anything as Christians, and it also becomes the defining line between those who are saved and those who are not.

It's a saving relationship with Jesus Christ.

And In Deuteronomy 6 we talked about this in the first session.

What we are to pass on to our children is that relationship.

Love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind.

That relationship is what we are to pass on.

We ended the first session a little bit by talking about how do you pass on relationships.

You can't just say like, hey, here's my friend.

And if we want the strongest relationship for our kids, then we've got to model that because, oh, I skipped something there, I think.

And this is Everything we know about relationships is what we have learned by seeing other relationships.

This is scary because The way our parents interact is what we base our idea of what marriage should look like.

And that doesn't mean that we're going to do everything the way our parents did, because sometimes we look at it and we say, well, I don't want that.

And so I'm going to do things differently.

And this is why also, I mean, in choosing a spouse, you've got to be careful because if you 2 grew up in completely different homes with completely different dynamics, you're entering into a marriage with completely 2 different ideas of what that should look like and how it should function.

But everything we understand about relationships is what we've seen.

Relationships aren't taught like anything else.

How to Tell the Story

Okay, let's begin our third session here.

In the first 2 sessions we talked about the primary goal is to bring our kids to Jesus, and 1 of the methods for doing that is disciplining them as a form of discipleship.

In our second section, we talked about the best way to pass that on to our children is modeling to show them how to live out that relationship.

And let's have a word of prayer before we get into our third session on how to tell the story.

Dearest Heavenly Father, God, as we stand here about to talk about how to tell the story, This is not our story, it's your story.

And so God, we pray that you will infuse your spirit into this room, into this place.

Too much importance cannot be placed on the early training of children.

The lessons that the child learns during the first 7 years of life have more to do with forming his character than all it learns in future years.

And if that quote from Ellen White isn't enough, here are 4 key findings from the Barna group that support this.

A person's moral foundations are generally in place by the time they reach age 9.

And in fact, the Girl Scouts of America did similar research and found that by age 10, they have a fully shaped worldview.

So by age 9 or 10, fully shaped worldview, a person's response to the meaning and personal value of Jesus Christ's life, death, and resurrection is usually determined before a person reaches 18.

In fact, a majority of Americans make lasting determination about the personal significance of Christ's death and resurrection by age 12.

So again, they're deciding their own, they're making their decision by age 12.

In most cases, people's spiritual beliefs are irrevocably formed when they are pre-teens.

And adult church leaders usually have serious involvement in church life and training when they are young.

The statistics gathered showed that more than 4 out of 5 of those leaders had consistently been involved in the ministry to children for an extended period of years prior to age 13.

So what this is saying is that people who grow up to be church leaders often before they were 13 years old were already involved in ministry.

And I think often we have this idea when raising our kids that, well, we'll tell you about that when you get older.

We'll let you get involved when you get older.

But these 4 facts and the quote from Ellen White let us know that bringing our kids to Jesus starts at birth.

And every possible moment, every way, we want to get them involved.

And we want not just to be telling them, but involving them in telling other people about Jesus.

Now these things, We don't want to be discouraging to those of you who have kids older than this and say, well, it's too late, then.

But when your kids are young, if you know what your goal is, then you can start working toward that before they're even born.

Start today if you haven't started before.

But we know that the earlier we're working toward this, the better chance we have, right?

So I was going to talk to you a little bit about discipleship as a parent and media, OK?

So there's a whole other seminar that you can go to about the nitty gritty of media.

I'm not going to get into all the details, but we know our kids are exposed to a lot, right?

When they watch TV, if they watch TV, they're exposed to a lot.

And it's not just about the content of the shows that they're watching.

It's also the advertisements that they're watching.

Yes, and that's what I was going to talk about.

So you're making my point before I can, but that's awesome.

So TV, video games, books, music, social media.

You don't usually see books on this list because we generally think books, good.

Books aren't usually on the big list of like media that you need to be looking out for.

My children can sit and read a lot, which I'm so thankful for.

But, as with everything, we wanna make sure that what our kids are exposed to is working toward our goals.

It's supporting our family values, like we talked about in the last session, and it's moving us closer to our goal of having our kids have a saving relationship with Jesus Christ.

Okay, so if your TV helps you accomplish that, great.

If your video games help you accomplish that, great.

We don't have a problem if it is supporting our family values and helping lead our kids to a saving relationship with Jesus Christ.

But if it is not doing those things, or if the time you are spending, like you said, if the time you're spending on those things is taking time away from other things that they need to be doing, that we need to be doing as a family to better support our values, to better push us toward that goal of a saving relationship with Jesus, then we need to think about the media, how it's allowed into our home, the time we spend on it, and maybe setting some boundaries or limits, and at least being intentional about how we're using media.

And there are a few things that you can do.

First of all, if you feel like what you're doing works for you, you're using TV and social media and music and books and your kids are using them in such a way that it's supporting your ultimate goal, then leave it alone, it's fine.

But if you feel like, hey, you know, maybe there's an issue here.

Or you know, oh yeah, there's definitely an issue here.

Maybe you notice that it's a huge deal when you try to take the tablet away from your child.

And it's, I mean, it's a meltdown every time.

Maybe your child is more interested in emulating a cartoon character than Jesus.

Think about what we're putting in front of our kids.

And it's not just about not allowing bad stuff in.

Because we want to keep our kids exposed to things that are healthy and happy.

We're not going to be able to shelter them from bad things forever.

There's value in keeping negative media, inappropriate media out.

It's about what do you have time and and what are you spending your energy on bringing in as well.

So 1 thing that you can do if you think you might have an issue or if you're not sure is you can do a screen time audit.

It's a little bit time-consuming, but you just write down every day how much screen time your kid has.

Just when you say, you know, okay, you can have the iPad for 10 minutes while I take a shower, because sometimes that's the only way you can take a shower, moms, right?

And so when you do that, is it really 10 minutes?

Most people, and I don't have the statistics right off the top of my head, I'm sorry, but if you Google it, you'll find that most people underestimate their screen time by kind of a big percentage.

I don't remember what it is, so I'm not going to say a number.

But most people underestimate their screen time.

You can turn on your own screen time limiting kind of apps.

If you have an iPhone, it will keep track.

It'll send you a message and say, your screen time is up 30% this week, or whatever.

It's kind of astounding if you actually stop and pay attention.

Series

Discipleship: A Parent's Guide

How to be a Match-Maker

Transcript

Description

Parent Series

Parent Conference

Sponsor

Recorded

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3. Miniskirts, Mothers, & Muslims

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Religious Liberty: Did You Just Say That? Pt. 1

1h 5m

Advising Love: From Attraction to Anniversaries

5. Advising Love’s Giving: Parenting and Family Life

1h

The Dragon of the Adventist Church

05 Dragon’s Den: Kickstarting Your Digital Ministry

1h 5m

GYC 2011 Seminar: The Holy Spirit in Evangelistic CARE Groups

RE-Formation, Part 1

59m

GYC 2012 Seminar: Mission - The Unmistakable Mandate

A Blind Sorcerer and a Believing Governor

56m

Devotions For Decisions

4. It’s How You Look at It

58m

Advising Love: From Attraction to Anniversaries

1. Advising Love’s Beginning: Attraction & Dating

1h

The Sabbath

“Do Not Neglect the Gatherings”

52m

I Know Something You Don't Know

The Lure of Conspiracies Q&A Panel

1h 9m

Abused: Bruised but Not Broken

Q&A Part 1

1h 1m

Training Center Churches

5. Discipline

56m

Sound Doctrine