Michigan Conference Campmeeting 2021: How Much More?

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Michigan Conference of Seventh-day Adventists

Discipleship Parenting

Ben Martin

Brianna Martin

01 Introducing Your Child to Jesus

You are about to enjoy a presentation recorded at the 2021 Michigan Conference Camp Meeting held at Cedar Lake, Michigan.

We pray that the Lord will bless you as you listen.

Father in Heaven, we just thank you so much for the blessing of being here at Camp Meeting.

Thank you so much that we can be here in this seminar this morning.

We know that your Spirit is already here and We just ask that you will speak to us.

You will use Ben and Brianna as they share.

It's such a privilege to be parents and such a privilege to be able to guide them to know and love you.

And so we need your wisdom and we need your guidance.

And so that's what we're asking for today and we thank you in Jesus name, amen.

First of all, I want to say we are not experts.

There was a small window where we felt like maybe we had it figured out, and then we had a second child and realized, oh, wait, nothing works anymore.

So it's not so much that we've got this all figured out and that we're experts, but more that God has given us this passion to do the best that we can and to study this.

It's just a shared interest that we have, not only in ministry, but in life.

So realize that what works for your first child doesn't work for your second, and so also what works in 1 family doesn't necessarily work in another.

So, first of all, When you talk about discipleship parenting, what is the primary goal?

Now, it's sometimes difficult with kids to stay focused on the goal.

He is an incredible boy, very articulate, loved studying the Bible, and when his baby brother was born he became fixated on the story of baby Moses.

And he wanted to read that story, he wanted to talk about it all the time in the most terrifying way possible.

Because he would look at his little brother and say, oh, what a nice Hebrew boy, and then say, let's throw him in the river, which is terrifying because we live about a block from the river.

But often with parenting that happens, doesn't it, where we're getting the message, but we're missing the point.

And it's so easy with parenting to get distracted by all the things that are going wrong in the moment and forget what is our main goal.

What is the thing at the end of the day that we want to accomplish?

Because, I mean, at the end of the day, if we can raise kids who have a relationship with Jesus Christ, that's all that matters, isn't it?

So, that's kind of what we want to talk about and how can we introduce our kids to Jesus Christ?

It's maybe a 30 second delay on changing the slides, so bear with us there.

So the main goal is a saving relationship with Jesus, and when we want to reach a goal, it always helps to start with the end in mind, right?

You have to be, you have to know what your goal is in order to work toward the goal.

So we wanna do something that in education we call backward design.

So you think about where do we want our students, or in this case, our children or grandchildren, whoever we're taking care of, where do we want them to end up?

And then think about, okay, what are the steps that I need to help them take to get to that destination.

And so it's sort of when you think about it that way, when you start with the goal and work backward from there, it helps all of the extra things that you don't really need to be worrying about or thinking about or that aren't very important to sort of fall away.

Because you realize that's not helping us reach this goal.

Even though something is not necessarily a bad thing, It may not be something that's really helping you move in the direction that you need to go.

It doesn't mean that you need to get rid of everything that's, you know, just for fun or, you know, but you, but just thinking about prioritizing.

What do you place a priority on in your life, in your family routines, in your daily schedule?

And the priority should, for all of us, be on what's helping us reach our goal of having kids who have a saving relationship with Jesus, and with parents who have a saving relationship with Jesus as well.

Because it's really easy to get distracted and you think, oh, wow, I need to be, my kids need music lessons and they need to get good exercise, so they should be on sports teams and, oh, you know, what if they're not ahead academically?

You know, maybe we need to do extra time, you know, an extra hour of reading every day or whatever it is.

These are all good things to do, you know, but What's really helping us reach our goal?

And if something isn't then it doesn't need to be a high priority And it's also really easy to get distracted because parenting is a competitive sport Like you see everyone else's kids and where they're at and like, oh shoot, how come their kids can read already and my kids can't complete sentences?

Or, you know, how come their kids can ride bikes and my kids can't stand up?

So, there's all kinds of these things and you're looking at everybody else's kids and it's so easy to see all of these other milestones and miss what is our primary goal.

And I think with, as a mom, I look at other moms and I think, oh wow, they have it really together.

We're just trying to, if we're out of the house in the morning, that's a good thing.

Much less if we actually look nice and, you know, feel nice about each other when we're doing it, you know.

So it can be competitive, but it doesn't need to be because you just need to be thinking about what's our goal and how am I going to get there today, 1 day at a time?

I remember years ago I was actually speaking at a different camp meeting and a mom came up to me and she was frustrated because the Bible does not give us a lot on parenting.

You know, I mean, think of all the incredible resources we have, the Bible studies on all of our 28 fundamental beliefs, we do not have 1 on parenting.

And over the years, though, I keep coming back to Deuteronomy 4, or 6, 4 through 9.

Hear, O Israel, the Lord is our God, the Lord alone.

You should love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind.

Keep these words that I'm commanding you today in your heart.

Recite them to your children and talk to them when you're at home and when you are away, when you lie down and when you rise.

Bind them as a sign on your hand, fix them as an emblem on your forehead, and write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates." And first of all, what I like about this is, This is a verse about relationship.

I mean they have just gone through the 10 Commandments there in Deuteronomy, but what it's asking you to pass on to your kids, you shall love the Lord your God and keep it in your heart.

It's about passing that relationship on to your kids.

And when, well, when and where do you do it?

When you're at home and when you're away.

Yeah, when you're at home and when you're away.

Like, either you're at home or you're not at home.

Like from the moment you wake up to the moment you lie down.

And I like this verse also because it makes it clear that the primary disciples of our kids cannot be pastors.

You do not want to come into your kid's room and find a pastor there at bedtime.

But, Parents have the ability to connect with your kids.

I mean, you're the only 1 who can do it at every moment, every day, everywhere.

So you are the ones best equipped to bring your kids to Jesus Christ.

And passing on that relationship, That's our main goal, isn't it?

And it's a huge commitment and it's a huge undertaking.

I mean, you know, Whenever Ben reads this verse and I think about, okay, it's everywhere and all the time.

And, you know, I stay home with my kids, and so I'm pretty much everywhere and all the time with them, And that's a huge responsibility.

And am I always the best example in my life all the time?

02 Modeling Discipleship

Dearest Heavenly Father, God, as we talk about parenting, I pray that you will join and lead this conversation, God, because you have introduced yourself through the lens of parenting.

And so I pray that you will bless this discussion today in your name, Amen.

Today we're going to talk about modeling discipleship.

What it looks like to model that to our kids.

If you have your Bibles with you, I invite you to look at John chapter 15.

We talked about Deuteronomy 6 yesterday, but John chapter 15 has become 1 of my favorite passages.

He knows that the cross is around the corner and he's making sure that he is passing on everything they need to know.

John chapter 14 he is talking about the second coming, the need for the Holy Spirit.

In John chapter 15 starting with verse 4, Abide in me as I abide in you.

As the branch cannot bear fruit by itself unless it abides in the vine, neither can you unless you abide in me.

Those who abide in me and I in them bear much fruit, because apart from me you can do nothing.

Whoever does not abide in me is thrown away like a branch and withers.

Such branches are gathered and thrown into the fire and burned.

Now we often don't think about that for parenting, But it's judgment language, isn't it?

It's the dividing line between those who are saved and those who are not is what?

We often complicate salvation, but it doesn't have to be that complicated, because here you are, you're a sinful being, here Jesus is, perfect being, already died, and when you abide in Him, you're covered.

When we abide in Him and Him in us, it's what saves us.

And yesterday we looked at Deuteronomy 6 and what we want to pass on to our kids is that relationship, right?

We want them to see the relationship we have.

We want them to want it for themselves, we want them to have that saving relationship with Jesus Christ.

But unfortunately, passing relationships on is tricky.

So the first step to leading our kids into a relationship with Christ is having that relationship with Christ.

Because you can't share what you don't have.

You could never introduce someone to someone who you don't already know.

We're going to talk about it every day because we are not perfect models.

And even though, like it said in Deuteronomy 6, we're on duty all the time, right?

It's a lot to live up to and we're not perfect.

Well, 1 of the things that we have to do is we have to remember that our kids are also imperfect.

It's pretty easy to remember for most parents, right?

It's easy for us to notice that our children aren't perfect.

And so we can teach them how to be imperfect humans in a humble way.

We show how to take responsibility for our actions when we make mistakes or when we mess up.

We show them how to try to heal the relationships that we've injured and also repair the breach with God as best we can as imperfect humans.

And my friend Emily said 1 time, and I asked her if I could share it and now I share it all the time.

She said, our children don't need us to be perfect.

They need us to point them to the perfect God that we are seeking to know.

We just need to keep pointing our kids to God because he, like Ben said, he's the 1 who's covered us with his perfection, right?

And so we need our kids to be depending on him, not trying to live up to perfection on their own, but abide in him.

And the way we do that is by doing it ourselves.

Now, I was supposed to share this story at the beginning, but My mind doesn't always work that way.

But 1 of the things that makes this easier is our kids, they want to be like us, don't they?

I think about my oldest, Emmett, when he was really young, He used to go with me to the church on a pretty regular basis.

And at Pioneer Memorial Church, there's a tiny door that goes under the Baptistry in the back hallway where the offices are.

And so he would, 1 day another pastor was passing by and he informed him, please come into my office we can have a meeting.

And another day he was, It was about lunchtime and he all of a sudden got dressed, he put on a pair of shoes, he was standing at the door and we said, where are you going?

And if I'm out mowing the lawn, he's there with his little lawnmower just Going right behind me.

Because our kids they naturally want to be just like us especially at that young age.

They do grow out of it and that is exciting and terrifying because I don't always want to be just like me.

And I definitely don't always want to raise boys that are just like me.

It's not about us being perfect, but it's about us pointing them to that perfect God.

But every relationship we have is based on relationships we've seen.

Like, we learn relationships differently than we learn anything else in life.

If you think about the relationships in your life, you've learned them, you've modeled them after relationships you've seen.

Like your relationship with your spouse is based on the relationships you grew up with, your parents' relationship, the relationships you saw.

And that doesn't mean that we do everything exactly the same way, but it's still based on that, because some things you might say, I want to do that just like my mom and my dad.

But also you might say, well, I do not want to do that like mom and dad did, but you're still basing it on that relationship.

And so not only do we need to model healthy relationships with our spouse for our kids so that they understand what a healthy relationship looks like, but we also need to model our relationship with God.

So, first we're going to talk about modeling human relationships because that's important, and Ben touched on it a little bit.

We're modeling relationships with our spouse if we have 1.

We're modeling relationships with the other humans that we interact with on a daily basis.

A lot of times we think about modeling good relationships as like in the home, but it also occurs outside of the home, right?

It means the person who cut you off in traffic.

It means, you know, your child's teacher, or, you know, the guy who mows your lawn or fixes your plumbing or whatever.

It means all of these human relationships that we have.

If we want our kids to know how to navigate the world like a person who has a relationship with God, then we've got to navigate the world like a person who has a relationship with God.

And that means modeling positive relationships and being respectful to the other people around us.

So that means teaching our kids to disagree respectfully.

So practicing disagreeing respectfully with spouses, with each other, with other family members and the people that we meet.

Even the person on the phone after you've been waiting on hold for 3 hours with, you know, the electric company or whoever, modeling these relationships and disagreeing respectfully.

Even the people you communicate with online, we could probably be respectful there too.

04 Successful Parenting: What’s the Definition?

Dear Heavenly Father, thank you so much for this day.

Thank you for this opportunity to be here, to learn together, to think together, and to be blessed by you.

Thank you for being with us, and please send your Holy Spirit to be with us, help Ben and I to share from you, Lord, today.

And thank you for this group of imperfect parents who are here to learn more about being parents, who are learning from you.

And we just ask that you be with us in a special way.

Be with each of these families that's represented in this room and the kids and everyone else.

And thank you that there are so many people who want to learn more about parenting in your footsteps.

So we love you, Lord, and thank you for being with us this morning.

So we've been talking a lot about parenting, and we've talked about a lot of different aspects of discipleship in parenting, but we need to talk about success.

So today we're talking about successful parenting and what's the definition, because if you don't know what success means, it's much harder to achieve, right?

So, the first thing that I'm going to do is I'm gonna ask you a question and if you feel comfortable talking to someone else about it, I'm just gonna give you a few seconds, not a super long time, but you can turn to someone next to you or you can just think about it on your own if you're more comfortable doing it that way.

What is success, specifically success in Christian parenting?

So for you, what defines success in parenting?

I'm going to ask a few people to share, but I won't put you on the spot.

I know it's kind of a big topic to discuss in a very short period of time.

You could probably have a discussion that lasted a very long time.

But is anybody willing to share what their definition of parenting success is?

Is anybody willing to share what somebody else is?

I think a very important thing would be that we can instill a love for God in our children so that we could spend an eternity with them.

I think if we make them successful in life but they have no interest in God, to me that wouldn't be a definition of success.

Basically, to be like Jesus, to embody the characteristics of Jesus, and to be able to be saved, to live an eternal life as the brothers shared here.

So yeah, to embody the characteristics of Christ.

To put a little more detail into it, we were thinking like, you know, every time I see my daughter or my daughters be kind or be respectful, It's just like, oh, thank you.

You know, so just to see those characteristics in their personality and their character grow.

So success in parenting, I think it's great to think about we want to see our kids in heaven, right?

And it's that saving relationship that we talked about is the goal.

On Monday, if you were here, we talked about what's the goal of parenting and the main goal is to help our kids have a saving relationship with Jesus, right?

And if we're doing that, we're gonna see some clues when our kids are showing kind and loving characteristics.

But here's the thing, having a goal makes defining success a lot easier, doesn't it?

If you know what the goal is, then you know when you've succeeded.

But the problem is the goal of successful, I mean the goal of Christian parenting and parenting for discipleship, it's hard to know when you've reached that goal, isn't it?

It's hard to know because is there a real clear finish line?

I mean, in this life there isn't, is there?

And the other thing is is that successful parenting, which of us is equipped to achieve that success on our own?

And even teamed up with a spouse or a co-parent or other helpers who are helping you raise your kid or kids, which of us can achieve successful parenting?

So this is something that we need to realize because this is not a solo or even human team event.

It's something that we have to depend on God for.

As a parent, I'm sure each of us could tell a story about something that we couldn't control, right?

I like to think about, well, I don't know how much I like to think about it, but When my kids were littler, we went on a road trip.

I have a lot of family in New England, and from Michigan to Massachusetts is quite a long drive.

And so I did the road trip with my 2 very little children, including 1 who was freshly potty trained at about 20 months.

You know, I had a pretty good system and we made it, but it was hard.

And then The next road trip came and I was so excited because Ben was coming too.

It's a much bigger help if you have another adult, right?

Because rest stops and buckling kids and, you know, needing to find a bathroom in less than 2 minutes and 30 seconds when you have a tiny 1 who's just potty trained.

And so we, just handing toys and snacks to the backseat, it really helps to have a helping hand.

I had books right here where I could reach them, and snacks right here where I could reach them, and drinks right here where I could, you know.

And so I was explaining to him the whole thing, and I said, man, with you in the car, we're going to just, it's going to be so fabulous.

And we got in the car to drive to Tennessee.

It's also a shorter drive than the 1 that I had done on my own.

It was fantastic until son number 1 started crying.

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04 Successful Parenting: What’s the Definition?

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