Michigan Camp Meeting 2022: Knowing the Time

<p>Free sharing permitted under the Creative Commons <a rel="license" href="http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc-nd/3.0/us/">BY-NC-ND 3.0 (US)</a> license.</p>

Michigan Conference of Seventh-day Adventists

Tune Up: Marriage Seminar

Tamara Conway

Steven Conway

05 Top it Off

You are about to enjoy a presentation recorded at the 2022 Michigan Conference Camp Meeting held at Cedar Lake, Michigan.

We pray that the Lord will bless you as you listen.

Gracious heavenly Father, thank you so much for again giving us another day of life, health, and strength.

Thank you for the ways in which you've been leading in our lives this week.

Thank you for protecting and keeping us all safe.

And Lord, most of all, we are grateful for your principles.

We thank you for your wisdom, how you have led and guide us, Lord.

And today is no different than any other day this week.

We still need you as desperately as we needed you before.

So continue to guide us and lead us through as we discuss some topics that we believe are important to us all.

We thank you, Lord, and we love you, and we ask these things in your precious Son Jesus' name.

All righty, come on in and have a seat, And we are going to do a little bit of review before we get into our question and answer period, our question and answer period.

So, as you know, the theme of this week has been tune-up.

And the theme that our relationships of all kinds, whether it's marriage, our families, at our jobs, at church, you name it, right?

We're created for community, but there are times when we need a tune-up, when we need to be reintroduced to some principles, some tools that can help us to be able to optimize our relationships that God has given us, okay?

And so we know that when we are in breakdown, another word for breakdown that we use was crisis, has a way of catching us unaware.

And we Discussed in the beginning portion of this week, we talked about unresolved grief.

This is where we got a lot of these terms right here from, because grief does not just center around death.

Again, grief centers around loss of many different kinds, transitions, change, And we also have the intangible things that we can grieve.

We can grieve losing trust, faith, safety, hope, control, respect, dreams, normalcy, expectations.

So that means that every single 1 of us on the face of this planet will face grief numerous times, more than 40 different types of losses that we can incur over a lifetime.

We also learned that God grieves and also God has a process to grief and that same process is actually important for us as well.

Processing means we need to articulate, Right?

Acknowledging what it is that has happened, what the loss is.

Also express that loss, express that grief.

And then forgiveness, which we're going to talk a little bit more about today.

And we're actually going to discuss a little bit more about grief just a little bit because 1 of the questions will delve into that.

On day 2, we went into forgiveness, what it is and what it is not.

We talked about emotional intelligence and vocabulary, how important they are, and being able to have effective, not just communicate, because everyone communicates, believe it or not, right?

Even when we don't talk, we're communicating something.

But effective communication is what we need, as well as understanding how our emotions can impact the way that we communicate.

We talked about the impact that self-talk has on us.

Self-talk is the conversations that I have completely with myself about myself or the other people around me, not out loud, right?

All of that conversation is happening up here, and that can also be a stage that can send us into sabotaging our relationships, okay?

We also talked about necessary combustion.

And necessary combustion was talking about conflict, and that conflict is not necessarily bad.

In fact, we know that God tells us that whenever we do something, right, whether we eat or drink or whatever we do, we can do all to the glory of God.

That includes conflict, confronting, okay?

But there is a way to confront without offending.

We're going to talk about that a little bit more today.

We talked about the difference between personal conflict and task conflict.

And we also talked about some other different areas when it comes to conflict.

When we are trying to control, we can do that in a myriad of different ways.

We can do that by moralizing and spiritualizing.

We also have these filters that we either pick up along the way in our life through different experiences.

Sometimes they're given to us through experiences as childhood or decisions that we make as we're growing up.

And these filters prevent us from being able to hear properly and see properly.

And we need to exchange those filters with God so that we can properly be able to differentiate the things that we are communicating or hearing from others.

We talked about defensiveness based on negative self-talk, And negative self-talk is something that takes place, again, up here and can sabotage us.

Then, yesterday, we talked about the change continuum, which was very powerful, right?

And the change continuum is a part of that process that we're in when we are in even relationships with others, that change is not something that happens overnight.

And we've heard this statement talked about quite a bit when it says that sanctification is not the work of a moment, but it is the work of a?

But if that is the case, then when we have the people in our lives we want to change, or even if we're trying to change, we can run into these different aspects of failure, which I love to tell the clients that I work with, there is no such thing as failure unless you fail to learn something from it, amen?

So those are just a little bit of the things that we went over and now we are going to move on to, oh, okay.

Well this is a, for those who are interested, some people are asking me about grief recovery.

Grief recovery, I am a grief recovery specialist.

I work with individuals who experience many different types of losses.

And I do group work, which is 7 sessions, as well as individual work, which is also 7.

And this is 1 that I have coming up within the next couple of weeks if you are interested in grief recovery.

Grief recovery is different than grief share.

Okay, well you may hear about it from, thank you.

You may hear about it at some time in the future.

Grief share is when people come together who have either similar or just have the experience of loss in their lives and they come together and they share.

We need to be able to find communities where we feel safe to share these things.

However, You can experience grief and you can share it, but you can also experience not being able to heal from it.

We were not created to grieve forever, even though grief is normal and natural.

And what I do is I walk with people through tangible action items to be able to help them to heal and bring the pain that is associated with those losses to completion.

Alright, so if you're interested in that you can visit our website and we'll show you that later.

And now we will go on to the topic of forgiveness.

Now you may say, well, we already talked about this topic.

Well, it's because forgiveness is a really big thing, right?

And the other reason we're lingering here is because in the questions, you were lingering here.

And over and over again, what we were reading is, I know about forgiveness, but I understand forgiveness, but which leads me to suspect that perhaps you don't understand free ends.

Now, I know that's not the case with every 1 of these questions, but we did feel like it was beneficial for at least 1 thing.

So you guys don't know this, but let's say I, well this is a hypothetical situation.

Let's say I fell off of a golf cart the other day, you know, on my merry way, and then I fall off of a golf cart and I hurt my arm, and my wife sees me, we're both going about, and She says, Hi, sweetheart, how are you doing?

01 The Manual

Father in heaven, thank you again for this opportunity to meet here.

Lord, we know that you are here and your spirit is here and we are just excited to hear what you want to share with each 1 of us.

So thank you so much for Steve and Tammy.

I pray that you will bless them and bless us.

Our marriages, some here may not be married, but just our relationships helps to grow closer to you.

So I'm a very hyper person, so please forgive me.

And she's right, we're not gonna be bored, okay?

And I'm loud, and so, you know, yeah, let's just have fun together, all right?

But as she said, my name is Tammy Conway.

This is my husband, who can definitely speak for himself.

And we are here to talk to you about the topic of marriage and family and relationships.

And we run into a lot of people like, I don't know if I wanna come to that, I'm not married, or I don't know, I've been married for a while, we've been doing okay, or I don't know if this is really, you know, like confusion about whether or not I wanna be here, right?

1 of our loves when talking about the topic of relationship is that the principles that we share are broad, right?

Because God created every last 1 of us for community.

Everyone is not married, will not be married, but everyone is commissioned by God to have relationships with humanity, right?

Whether we like it or not, it is the truth, all right?

And so, we are hoping that no matter what stage you are at in your life, you will find the things that we're going to share with you this week applicable.

And they discovered something that was mind-blowing to Tamara and I, and you know, it is that the divorce rate is declining.

Unfortunately, it is not declining for those who are 50 and older.

By the year 2030, they believe that it will triple.

That is amongst those who are between the ages of 50 and older, 75, 80 years old.

And unfortunately, we, as we minister in this field of working with people, because that's the thing, people, right?

We find ourselves actually having conversations, right, with those who have been married for 40, 50, 60 years, you know, that they are struggling in their relationships.

But we're going to talk more about that later.

And this is a really difficult story for me because it took place about how many years ago?

I was about 17 or 18 years old when I got my first vehicle, my very first vehicle.

Let me show you what this vehicle looks like.

And listen, I had just graduated high school and I was riding the bus every day and it was cold and I'm from Ohio, do not hold that against me, okay?

And it was just like, oh my goodness, I want a car.

And I started my first year in college and my mom and dad said, okay, you saved the money, we'll take you to get a car.

And this was my very first car and I loved her.

She didn't have heat, but you know, who cared?

We could just wear blankets and stuff like that in the car.

And I- Well, you know, it depends on who you're talking to.

And then 1 day I remember I went to go start the car, and I heard something really weird.

It was just like, ee, ee, ee, ee, ee, you know?

And at first I was like, okay, you know, whatever.

You know, I'm gonna just try to keep starting.

And the car, it started, But, you know, I would drive it and then I would stop again and then try to get, you know, from the store and turn it back on and it was not having problems.

I said, daddy, Something's wrong with my car.

I don't know what's wrong." And he was like, what's wrong, sweetheart?

I was like, daddy, it's going, And he was like, you know, Tamara, when is the last time that you got the oil changed?

When is the last time you got the oil changed?

And he said, Tamra, do you remember what I told you when you first got that car?

And honestly, I remember being there when he was talking to me, but I do not recall anything he said.

And I know, because my dad is a guy, he likes, she drives trucks, he's a truck driver, you know, and he's always trying to tell me about my car and stuff like that, but I wasn't concerned about that.

I just wanted to get on the road and get gone.

And here I am finally in my car that I loved and now it's broken down.

Let me tell you something, it was so devastating.

And at that moment I realized that breakdown or crisis can catch us unaware, right, when we're not prepared.

Because see, you know, we love relationships and being in relationships with people, but we don't understand that it requires maintenance.

We have an exercise that we want you to do.

I need 3, now, oh, please, and you know it's after lunch and I know everybody's tired, but I need 3 volunteers who are willing to come up here and stand with us.

If you're out in the hallway and you're supposed to be in the seminar, come on in because we need you.

02 Wires

Gracious Heavenly Father, Lord, we are again here gathered together and we are thankful and grateful for your goodness and your mercy.

Lord, we do not claim any wisdom or understanding of our own.

We just ask that you would lead and guide us to share the things that are important in relationships, whether it's marriage and family and life, God, help us to be able to convey something that is real and timely and encouraging.

Be with us now and everyone who is here and on their way.

So we want to kind of do a quick review here because, you know, ours just, yeah, we try to fit in as much in it as we possibly can.

So people were asking, so I want to make it clear yesterday that the codes that you see up here, which are QR codes, these are for 2 different things.

1, on the right, is called grief recovery, and this is for those who are interested outside of camp meeting pursuing grief recovery, which is different than grief share, which grief share is awesome, right?

And we talked about that a little bit during our session yesterday, that it is important to have a space, a safe space to talk about your losses.

Grief does not just center around death, okay?

But beyond that, there is actually actionable Things that you can do to take you from a place of just grief and loss to completing that grief All right, so we can talk about that more and I run recovery groups Often so you can go there and find out when the next 1 will take place.

Then coaching, the next 1 here is for those who are while here at camp meeting are interested in meeting with us one-on-one for individual coaching, okay?

Whether it's your relationships, if you're married, not married, kids, no kids, grandparents, not a grandparent, or you're just wandering the earth aimlessly, you can come talk to us, okay?

And just to give you a little bit of information about what grief recovery goes over, It is the method of taking people through an action program for making, going beyond death, divorce, and other types of losses.

So this is just giving you a little run through of what that is.

And this is actually when the next group will take place, is at the end of this month.

So if you're interested in that, we have a special 1 for those who are here at camp meeting, if you would like to participate.

Virtually, virtually, because yeah, I can't come to everywhere where people are.

So that's where we do our grief recovery work for those who are not locally where we are in Troy.

Father in heaven, please be with us and help our minds to be what they ought to be.

So, So just to review what we have gone over.

So yesterday we introduced you to the idea of tune up and that all relationships, no matter where you are, what kind of, well, no, let's not say that in today's day.

Whether you're married or not married, right?

Whether you are a parent, wherever you are in your stage of relationship, all relationships require tune-up because what happens is we run into crises that will come along and catch us unaware and we find ourselves in trouble.

So we are going to be going, we went over with you yesterday that 1 of the areas that really touches a lot of people's lives and we have gone through it over the last few years is an exponential amount of loss.

Loss does not only encompass death, but death does not only encompass people.

We have loss of pets, We have loss of, of course, spouses, children, friends, and loved ones, right?

But then when we think about loss and we're grieving, we also grieve transition and change, moving, job loss, promotions, retirement, graduation, coming out of retirement, emptiness, becoming a caregiver, releasing caregivers.

You be releasing from being a caregiver, you name it, right?

So when you are actually ending an addiction career, That's a loss, believe it or not, for people.

Health and also financial gains and losses, even improving health can be kind of a shock to the people around you.

You ever experienced someone you've been taking care of and then they get well, and then you feel kind of like you're not needed anymore?

Community, normal patterns of life, behaviors and things of that nature.

Didn't we all experience that during the pandemic?

The problem with not actually processing these things is if we don't process these and many more, we can experience, or These things will sabotage our ability to be able to relate to others and our relationships.

We shared also yesterday about the statistic regarding marriage.

Yes, divorce rates are going down, but where are they rising?

So our parents are at risk, which is weird to think about, right?

Anyway, and then some of the intangible losses that we experience that we really don't actually think of as losses, but they really are, or that we can grieve over them.

Things like trust, I have lost trust, I have lost safety, control.

Anybody fear losing, can I just be honest?

I have a 20 year old soon and I'm fearing losing control, saints.

Okay, loss of respect, loss of dreams, loss of normalcy, and loss of faith.

That is a huge 1, but I am so grateful to God that we don't need to be intimidated by people saying they lose their faith because a healed heart can gain their faith back.

So continuing on in that review, we shared with you a few things about grief.

It is the natural and normal response to a loss.

And we suggested that our creator, that's what?

That's 1 of the reasons why we know that it is natural and normal.

Now this 1 we didn't articulate yesterday although we talked about it but we didn't spell it out and this 1 is grief is the conflicting feelings caused by the end of or change in a familiar pattern of behavior.

Now I gotta press pause and I gotta say something about that.

Now I didn't tell you I was gonna do that.

03 Spark

Loving Father, we are thankful for the privilege of life today.

We are grateful for your tender love and mercy towards us.

As we continue in our journey together, we pray that your spirit would be with us, that you would give us understanding of things new and old.

Most of all, we pray that this would not merely be information, but it would serve as the tools, as tools in the hands of the Holy Spirit to bring about transformation in our relationships and in our marriages and in our lives.

So, we want to kind of review, because it's been a lot, and we try to connect things, right?

So, see if anybody remembers, Breakdowns have a way of what?

Okay, so, breakdowns have a way of catching us in crises, and we're unaware, right, that they're coming.

How many times has it been that the crisis that comes, we get a note card in the mail and says, hi, I just wanna let you know I'm gonna come and disrupt your family, I'm gonna disrupt your job, I'm gonna disrupt your health and your wealth and all these other things, right?

I haven't met anybody as of yet who gets that.

But not being aware when crises happen, they put us in a very vulnerable position in our relationships and can very much sabotage them.

And when we talk about relationships, we don't just talk about marriage, we talk about all of our relationships.

Series

Tune Up: Marriage Seminar

04 Filters

Transcript

Parent Series

Parent Conference

Sponsor

Recorded

Our Desperate Need of the Spirit is Now

04 Praying in the Spirit

53m

Come Lord Jesus

01 Still Here After All These Years: Why?

53m

BibleRICH – Memorizing Scriptures of the Three Angels’ Message

01 Memorizing Scriptures of the Three Angels’ Message

53m

Spark Training: Public Evangelism

Spark Training: Public Evangelism- Part 1

57m

Sabbath School and Personal Ministries: Getting the Most Out of BSO

02 The Power of Personal Ministry

58m

Divorce Care

06 Leadership Training for Choosing Wisely Before You Divorce and Divorce Care Part 2

51m

How to Evangelize Using Agriculture

How to Evangelize Using Agriculture- Part 1

39m

Things I Wish I Learned in My 20s

01 Things I Wish I Learned in My 20s

1h

Divorce Care

05 Leadership Training for Choosing Wisely Before You Divorce and Divorce Care

57m

Clear Clutter and Get Organized

5. Clear Clutter and Get Organized 101

35m

Master Guide Skills Development

Understanding Your Spiritual Gifts

22m

BibleRICH – Memorizing Scriptures of the Three Angels’ Message

04 Memorizing Scriptures of the Three Angels’ Message

58m

Sound Doctrine