SWYC 2012: Unless the Lord Builds the House

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GYC Southwest

SWYC 2012: Question and Answers

Dwayne Lemon

Nicole Parker

Keala Thompson

Andre Waller

SWYC 2012: Question and Answers, Part 1

All right, would, before we ask any questions, would 1 of you mind praying for us?

Because these are, some of the questions are pretty serious, and we really need the Holy Spirit to be here.

Father in heaven, we sometimes get the illusion that we have wisdom in ourselves.

All of our wisdom is foolishness but you've promised that the Holy Spirit who filled Solomon and gave wisdom will give it to those who are willing and surrendered now and we ask Lord for that gift that you will give us answers from on high that you will flow through even messed up people like us to help messed up people out here in the audience to be able to see your glory.

All right, first question, how do we stay updated on Alan Parker's well-being?

We have a blog that right now is mostly the adventures of my very entertaining children.

But that's where we're going to be keeping people updated also on things going on in my husband's health and his recovery.

We're hoping that a year from now, if all goes well, he may be finishing treatment.

He'll have to be doing 48 weeks of treatment.

And yes, we know there are lots of natural remedies that help your liver, but there are none that kill hepatitis C.

We've already looked into that and we will be certainly open to things that can be helpful, but he'll have to do these treatments and it's going to be pretty miserable.

So anyway, if you'd like to follow what's happening with my husband's health, you can go to willowbirds.blogspot.com.

Willow like a willow tree and birds like 2 birds sitting on the willow tree.

Long ago, I chose that title because I felt like, you know, God wants us to be able to sit on our tears and our sorrows and sing.

And so I chose the willow tree as a sign, the weeping willow, and the birds as how we sing on the seat of our trials.

So that's where you can find updates on how Dr.

How do you really know that your relationship is from God?

This is a youth conference, so we're gonna have some relationship questions, okay?

How do you really know that your relationship is from God, considering that you have prayed for that relationship from the beginning?

I don't mean that you feel so spiritual because feelings go up and down, but by whether it drives you to a deeper connection with God, whether when you have something good happen to you or something bad happen to you, you want to pour it out to God.

When you realize that there are idolatrous cycles going on between the 2 of you, what do you do?

Do you turn to God or do you turn to this person?

Any relationship, even if it's from God, can become a curse, just like all the kings of Israel that went up and down based on their relationship with God.

Your relationship will go up and down and sometimes something God gives you can become a curse if you allow it to become an idol instead of a blessing.

You know, I'm afraid to answer these type of questions.

How do you know your relationship is from God?

Are you talking about the marriage relationship?

Are you talking about the relationship that you're in prior to your being married?

If you're married already, the question is null and void.

It's null and void, whether Satan brought you together or God brought you together.

The issue is that you've made a covenant now.

And the question is, how is God going to solve or make sure that this relationship stays together and tends upward.

With your marriage, it's not a question anymore.

It's not even, I wonder if this is supposed, no, it's done.

Now, if you are in a relationship prior to marriage, now I had experiences, you know, making mistakes.

And I remember telling God that this is the 1.

And I'm quite sure God agreed with me in that prayer, that this was the 1.

But there are fruits in that relationship that either tend upward or they tend downward.

They either make you draw closer to him, you and her Bible study and praying and doing what the Bible says, or you are violating principles, staying up late, talking on the phone, hugging, kissing, doing all sorts of things you ain't supposed to do until you're married.

You know by the fruits whether or not This is something that is heaven born, heaven sent.

I don't find in the Bible or the spirit of prophecy God saying, you must pray and wait until God magically shows you the 1 and then quickly marry that person.

I see God saying consistently watch for character, go slowly, see how this person reflects Jesus in all aspects of their lives.

You want to be sure that you are choosing a parent for your children that is going to be stable and committed to God no matter what.

So we'll try to make these questions go in logical order.

What advice or counsel would you give to someone who believes that it is God's will and has prayed and fasted and read the Bible a lot, but you don't think it's God's will?

Yes, so like Andre's in a relationship and he's prayed and fasted and read the Bible and he's sure it's God's will, but Brother Dwayne does not think it's God's will.

How do you, How do you approach a person that has prayed and fasted and is very sure that it's God's will?

We are not allowed to exercise our feelings towards other people.

If we believe that it is not God's will for someone to be together, there must be something that we saw in their lives that contradicts God's principles from his word that is motivating us to say we don't think that this is right.

So everything like Jesus says in Matthew 4, 4, that man should not live by bread alone but by every word that proceeds out of the mouth of God.

So it should not be a counselor's position to just simply say, I don't think this person's right for you.

Because what you think could be very much wrong.

There's a way that a man may think is right, but in the end thereof it can lead of course to death.

So we would have to first and foremost base our disagreement or our agreements on the Word of God.

So if someone says, well, I believe this person is for me, it has to be something beyond the fact that they're pretty or he's handsome.

It has to be something beyond, well, I just don't think you guys make a good couple.

Either party should be able to base their reason for doing what they're doing or feeling the way they're feeling based on the Word of God.

Once you're a Christian, you surrender your thought processes to the Word of God.

So that has to be the guide on why we don't think they should get together or why they do think they should get together.

So that's where I would probably start with them, is bring it back to the word.

No, my wife, what attracted me to my wife was not, well I can't say that, but I'm, not only was her external beauty I was looking for, But I was looking for the internal character.

And I think what attracted me was that everywhere...

She came in, actually my wife came in through an evangelistic meeting that we held.

Question and Answers on Relationships and Gender Roles

Is there any questions on the lover of a man being an initiator, a provider or a protector?

In regards to being a men's provider, what if the wife actually makes more than the husband?

How does the husband become the provider of that?

And later on this month, we're gonna be married for 18 years.

And when I married my husband, I gave, I think, twice plus more than him.

But I will tell you, he was in full-time ministry.

And we had intense marriage counseling, and so the pastor asked me, How do I feel about that?

And I said, I don't know how much I want to face.

And he said, well, does it bother you to be faced more than me?

It may bother my family, but he's not married to my family.

The Lord has blessed me with a full-time ministry and Melody Elgin is providing.

But I have to say, we've had our ups and downs.

And God has been our foundation and center of our marriage for a wonderful 18 years and we're still on our honeymoon.

I mean, I have no problem with if a woman makes more.

But the principle is that the man still needs to provide regardless of which.

So in a world that is very pro-women, equals rights, and very fed in a specific way that I've been defining roles that you were mentioning, you know, there is an example, I opened the door for a woman, and she turned to me, got upset.

So, if a woman is like that, how do you work at it?

I don't like that, but you know, many women, unfortunately, there are women who are like that, who don't like to see men do that because they want to show that they're equal.

But trust me, there are many women who like to see men who are respectful and open up doors.

So just because 1 or maybe 100 women that you encounter get upset, still just show them, say, you know, this is what my mom taught me.

And if they still respond, it's their own issue.

Because I even teach my nephews, you open up the door for a lady, not just a young lady but an elderly lady too.

Don't just focus on the young women but you see an elderly woman, open up that door for them too.

But you know as a woman I love to see when men are opening up doors, pulling out of the chair, being just kind and patient.

How many show of hands, how many women like to see men open doors?

By the way, I open By the way, I open doors for both women and men.

I can get my own daughter, thank you, you know.

I was just wondering, what if there's a married couple, and they have a high position in the church, and the wife, she's controlling to the point where she doesn't agree with most of the church members.

And so personally, they leave the church.

And the husband, you know, it's a young husband, he loves her and cares for her, but he tries to kind of convince her, but she wouldn't take it in.

In a situation like that, how can we help the church members stay as 1 and help her too?

Yeah, like, what if she doesn't want to, she thinks that her opinion is the right opinion.

This continues on from yesterday's discussion I think of the church.

We're going into the church but it's a hard 1 because there are patriarchs and matriarchs who want to control the church, right?

And God's church shouldn't be controlled by anybody.

But at the same time, we should still love them.

But I think we need to try and win them back, bring them back into the church and visit them.

I always feel that to me ministry is not preaching.

That's where 1 on 1 conversations God really moves.

Preaching to me is not really that important.

But that's why they have to go and visit her and win her back.

But still in the condition when they come back into the church they must be straight with her and say you cannot be controlling the church at the same time because that kills the church when they try and control the church.

Try and win their back, win their hearts, visit them in the home, and if they do come back, say, but look, I'm sorry, you no longer can control the church anymore.

Because this is not our church, it's God's church.

I have a nurse, I have a single mom and dad.

And I was actually thinking about that in my career because I'm not satisfied with how I am right now, I'm thankful to God.

So would you say it's a bad thing to actually go to the medicine or dentist or pharmacy or any of those?

Some fields' careers are way better than others, right?

But I know someone with a $200, 000 loan and no job.

SWYC 2012: Question and Answers, Part 2

So before we ask the first question, if you would each introduce your spouse so that we know at least their name This is sweetie pie Her other name is Alpha.

So, we'll start off with a few warm-up questions, then we'll get into other questions.

Okay, first question, it was, I think there was about 5 to 10 of these, and it was this.

How old, Okay, that's all you need to know.

How old do you have to be in order to date slash court?

I think the principle we talked about today was, you remember, God brought Adam first, have a relationship with God, and the second thing in Genesis 2.15 was to give him occupation in that order so that he could provide for his family and then God brought Eve to him.

So just that order of God in creation really works.

So having a career, It doesn't have to be a degree, but any kind of trade or whatever it is that actually makes money.

People with degrees today are not making money.

So whatever works to actually support your family and provide for your family, then I think that is a good age.

And You have to treat every situation different.

So you don't want ‑‑ oh, yeah, this boy.

And you don't want, you know, I was saying before, you don't want someone who says they love you, want to take care of you the rest of their life, right?

But they're eating mom's and dad's food, they're living with mom and dad, they're riding a bicycle to visit you, right?

I mean, that's not the kind of guy you want to marry, okay?

You want to make sure you're at least old enough that you can be supported.

And Brother Lemon has some spirit of prophecy.

While we do not have an exact age given from inspiration as far as when to court, there is a very clear indicator coming from Adventist Home, page 79, paragraph 4.

It says, a youth not out of his teens is a poor judge of the fitness of a person as young as himself to be his companion for life.

So we at least have a pretty clear indicator.

You mentioned that, I'm assuming this is Kiala, you mentioned that men should be the initiators.

In this scenario that you would like to get to know them more as friends, is it okay for the girl to initiate conversation by texting or calling?

You know, I really believe I was having this conversation today.

It's like the women are waiting for their men to initiate.

And you know, men, you need to actually let God lead and actually just, if God is leading you and you want to, don't be afraid and ask the girl an intentional dating or courting, right?

And I think a lot of women actually, it seems like they're just waiting.

But it's good to be a woman and waiting, right?

And wait on the Lord because He'll bring the right person.

But at the same time, I think there's also a balance where you can go so far.

I think this might be a misunderstanding, but it can go too far.

But you're talking about texting as a way to ask out somebody on a date or texting as a friendship or...

It says initiate the conversation because they want to get to know them more as friends.

The reason for that, again, is if the man does not hunt, he does not treasure.

If the man does not hunt, he does not treasure.

Whatever is easily given to him, he does not respect.

So it's just a clear, my wife, my dad hooked me and my wife up.

And we were at, she was at church and I'm not going to say she was praying for a man, but she lifted up a prayer that day that the Lord would provide her a good man.

And when she finished praying and went back and sat down, my father tapped her on the shoulder, and she turned around and she said, well, he's too old, you know?

But anyway, my dad pursued and got her phone number, and he got her email address, and told her exactly how tall I was to make sure she, you know, she measured up.

And maybe within, you know, maybe within a week or so, The same day my dad called me and told me I think I found her.

And if you want to hear the testimony, you'll hear it another time.

But nonetheless, my father told me to call her and I wouldn't call her.

And my dad called her and said, why don't you call my son?

And sweetie pie, why don't you tell them what you told my daddy?

Because when he took the phone number and the email address, And he said, will you call my son?

But it's not right for a female to call a male.

And so when he called and he asked me, did you call my son yet?

I like to be a person of my word, but in modesty, I shouldn't be calling him, he should be calling me.

And immediately he said, I knew I picked the right 1.

My dad told her that I was going to call at 9.

Laughter You know, I called at call at 905, you know what I mean?

It's just that you can read between, I mean, there's so much things you can read between the lines with it.

So I think texting in that tense, it might, you cannot hear the person speaking, you cannot see their face.

It's important, I think, not to use a text, especially.

I'm a teenager, and I'm constantly feeling like I'm worthless and inadequate.

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SWYC 2012: Question and Answers

Question and Answers on Relationships and Gender Roles

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