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Roanoke Seventh-Day Adventist Church

Chris Buttery

God’s Remedy for Healthy Communication

2 mature ladies, some of the older segment of society, were sitting together on their front porch.

1 was listening to the sound of the crickets that were chirping, and the other woman was listening to the sounds of choir singing in a church just down the road.

The woman listening to the choir said to the other woman sitting next to her, my, isn't that heavenly music?

Yes, replied the first, and I understand that they do it by rubbing their legs together.

Now these ladies had a problem, didn't they?

And while a communication breakdown between these 2 ladies, precious ladies, brings a smile to our face.

It's not always so funny when there's a serious misunderstanding that occurs between 2 people.

Interestingly and sadly, often communication problems are a major factor in marital discord and breakup, and much of the tension that exists in homes today.

So this morning I wanna ask a question and see if we can't find a biblical answer for it, and that is, how can we learn to communicate effectively in our families?

If you have your Bible, turn with me to our scripture that was read so nicely to us this morning by RJ.

We want to read just a few extra verses from there, but 1 Peter 3, and we will begin at verse 8 to refresh our memories.

I want you to notice what the apostle Peter says as we Think about effective communication today.

Finally, all of you be of 1 mind, having compassion for 1 another.

Love as brothers, be tenderhearted and be courteous.

Not returning evil for evil or reviling for reviling, but on the contrary, blessing, knowing that you were called to this, that you may inherit a blessing.

For he who would love life and see good days, let him refrain his tongue from evil and his lips from speaking deceit.

For the eyes of the Lord are on the righteous and his ears are open to their prayers.

But the face of the Lord is against those who do evil.

In these verses, God offers a solution for healthy communication.

In the context that we're reading these verses, Peter is dealing with how Christians are to live as really pilgrims, as aliens in a foreign world, a difficult world.

Specifically, he's speaking about how slaves are to deal with abusive masters, and 1 might even suggest how a person, an employee, might live with and deal with an abusive employer, how wives should live with unbelieving husbands, and then how a persecuted church should really relate to people that are wronging them.

And you see that throughout the book of the first letter of Peter.

Peter's especially concerned, as we read about how believers can bear witness in this hostile world, in this hostile territory.

In each setting, Peter shows how our obedience to God and our submission to his word and submission to proper authority in the word will mark us as distinct and will provide a powerful witness to the rebellious who live for self and who live for their personal rights.

Now, Peter's words are not ivory tower platitudes.

What he says really does relate to difficult relationships that we all contend with in our troubled worlds and even our troubled worlds around us.

If you look at Peter's first Peter chapter 3 and you see verses 10 and 11.

He's quoting from Psalm 34, and Psalm 34 is quite the Psalm, in fact.

He says, if you wanna love life and if you wanna see good days, what type of days, friends?

You see that in verse 11, which relates to verse 8.

We must do some things in our walk and we must also do some things in our words.

You can see that in verse 10, which relates to verse 9.

And when we do these certain things in our walk and with our words, it tends to result in healthy relationships.

Then scripture promises that God will bless us.

So if we don't live like that, contrary to, the contrary rather is true.

And you see that again in verse 12, that the face of the Lord is against us.

So God's solution for healthy communication is that we turn from evil and that we do good in our words and in our walk, or in our walk and in our words.

So let's speak a little bit about turning from evil and doing good in our walk for just a little bit.

Verse 11 tells us, let him turn away from evil and do good and let him seek peace and pursue it.

And verse 8 says, finally, all of you be of 1 mind having compassion for 1 another lovers brothers be tender-hearted be courteous it shows these verses show that the behavior behind healthy relationships we must turn from evil and then we must pursue peace.

So what does it look like to turn away from evil in our walk?

You may be wondering what behavior has to do with communication.

What does our behavior have to do with communication?

You know, as well as I do, our words play a small part in how we communicate.

Albert Moravian suggested that words alone constitutes 7% of our communication with others.

The tone of voice and inflection accounts for about 38% and then he said the remaining 55% refers to our facial expression, our posture and our gestures.

Now even if you question these particular percentages, it's clear that communication is not just words.

It involves our behavior and it involves our attitudes.

Peter says that we are to turn away from evil.

In fact, in these 5 verses, you see the word evil mentioned 5 times, just in these few verses, 5 times, which includes, 1 could say, sin as anger, as violence, sexual immorality, as greed, as drunkenness or drug abuse, which all hinder good and healthy communication.

But evil goes deeper than these particular things.

At the root of evil is really living for self, a disregard of God and of others, except as God and others can serve me, as God and others can serve us.

Living for self and seeking self-fulfillment, thinking first about ourselves before others, all selfish behaviors are barriers to healthy communication which seeks to understand the other person's point of view.

So our attitude and our behavior can impact healthy communication.

And of course, because of the fall, we're all selfish by nature, seen by the fact that some might be sitting here this morning saying, I hope my wife or I hope my husband, I hope my kids are listening so they'll stop being so selfish so that I can get my own way.

And that just tells us a little bit about our human nature.

We must turn away from evil is what the Bible says, which means selfishness.

We have to practice denying self on a daily basis.

And you know, as well as I do, sometimes it is even moment by moment.

And so it's not enough, though, that we just deny self or turn from evil, we have to also actively do good and pursue peace with others.

And that's what the Apostle Peter said here in chapter 14, verse 9.

He says, let us pursue the things, this is Paul, let us pursue the things which make for peace, building up 1 another.

And over in Romans 12, he says, if possible, so far as depends upon you, be at peace with all men as far as possible.

In other words, peace just won't happen if we're passive or indifferent about it.

We've kind of got to make an effort to pursue it.

I read about a mom who was with a scout troop and apparently they were at the zoo and she said to her son, I am not going to take any of you over to get any ice cream unless you forgive so and so for eating your candy bar.

And her son replied, well, he doesn't want to be forgiven.

He doesn't even want to listen when we say anything to him.

And then his mother said angrily to him, you go make him listen.

And suddenly her son chased off, chased the friend, knocked him down to the ground, and the son yelled at him, I forgive you for stealing my chocolate candy bar, but I'd sure find it a whole lot easier to forget if you'd wipe the chocolate off your face.

We're not supposed to, of course, be that aggressive in pursuing peace, but I think you get the idea.

We can't be indifferent, we can't be passive about pursuing peace.

Jesus said that if you're worshipping God and you suddenly remember that you have ought or a problem with a brother or a sister, you should leave what you're doing, go make reconciliation with your brother or your sister, whoever it is, and then come back and worship God.

We're to take initiative and do all that we can do to restore any strained relationships.

It's always time consuming though, I can hear someone say, and more of a hassle than to just let it slide.

We'd rather not exert the emotional energy and time involved in getting things straightened out.

We figure perhaps that time will heal because after all, doesn't time heal all things?

Besides, it's always humbling to admit that I'm wrong.

Of course, love covers a multitude of sins.

We're not supposed to confront a person on every minor offense.

In fact, as Christians we absorb a lot and perhaps we're supposed to, but if I've offended someone or if his offense is such that I can't relate to him or her anymore without clearing it up, that I certainly need to make the effort to pursue peace.

I need to make the effort to seek that peace.

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God’s Remedy for Healthy Communication

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