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ABC Prayer Crusade

Family Communications

Glenn Coon

2 - Husbands and Wives

Dear Lord, you've promised in Matthew chapter 7, 7.

We're asking for wisdom as you've promised.

We believe that you are granting this wisdom as we answer these questions in Jesus' name.

What if your mate isn't willing to wait to discuss the problem?

Why do we think the mate is not willing to wait?

It may be because we are ourselves not waiting, and the maid is merely responding to our injecting the question.

Or it may be that the maid has never heard of this before.

Consequently, we'd want to learn how can we approach this subject so that the mate will be willing to wait.

The way that I would suggest would be to conform to the law of humility and say to the mate something like this, you know, I want to apologize for having posed problems when your mind is on something else.

That wasn't good, but I didn't know until some time ago that there's a time and we should wait for the proper time when the mind of each of us is at rest.

I wonder what time would be the best time so that I wouldn't be interrupting you all the while.

Maybe it would be the first thing in the morning after when we first awaken.

And the mate in all likelihood may say, well okay, because you see we have not belittled our spouse in this suggestion.

Whereas if we said to our spouse, look, why in the world don't you wait?

We're supposed to wait till morning when our minds are at peace, then he will feel belittled, you see.

The next question is, your method is based on 2 Christians solving their problems.

What if 1 of the partners is not a Christian?

The same laws of communication that are successful for 2 Christians will be also successful for 1 who is a Christian and the other who is not.

You see, you take all the laws of God, they are adequate for anyone who will conform to them.

For instance, the law of gravity will work for an infidel just as well as it will work for a Christian, but if a Christian ignores the law of gravity, he must suffer the result.

If an infidel follows through and obeys the law of gravity, he'll have success.

So you may use the same method for a non-Christian mate as for the Christian.

Now, the adaptation will be slightly different, but the principles will be the same.

What do you do, how do you approach your husband on establishing family worship when you're not even communicating well now?

In Amos chapter 3 verse 3 it says, can 2 walk together except they be agreed.

It's impossible to expect him to want to worship with you if he won't even talk with you.

Now the way that it must be done is this.

He must not feel pained, or she, whichever it is, must not feel pain in any communication with a spouse.

When 1 spouse does not feel pained in the communication that's set up between them, they're liable not to feel that they will be pained if they worship together.

So the thing that causes many people to shy away from worship is many people have have associated worship with pain because they're scolded in worship or they're belittled or 1 person takes this holier-than-thou attitude, and so the other feels ill at ease in this.

How do you communicate with someone who does not even want to communicate and doesn't respond in any way?

This is much, Barbara, as the question we just answered.

In our counseling with people for the last 40 years, we've learned that the reason why many people do not want to communicate is they feel that this communication will be painful to them.

No 1 wants to have the spouse or anyone take this holier than thou attitude.

So if a person doesn't want to communicate, we ought to search our own souls and say, look, am I kind of taking a senior attitude, a superior attitude?

Let me search my soul, examine my soul and determine that my communication will have none of this belittling attitude, you see.

Then as my spouse or my friends or whoever, as they listen to me speak, they won't feel that I'm preaching at them, you see, belittling them, condemning them, scolding them.

When all of these things are absent, people love to communicate.

What do you do if the communication of you and your mate isn't as close as it used to be and you don't even know why?

It used to be close, but human beings, as we are, with 6, 000 years of degeneration, it's possible that at 1 time we were communicating beautifully.

Now all at once we began to go into orbit around the problem instead of the solution.

And unconsciously, the human mind can do it.

In fact, it's difficult for the human mind not to go into orbit in the communication around the problem.

So I would suggest to these individuals that they would check again and say to themselves, am I communicating the problem or am I discussing possible solutions?

If I am going to orbit around this problem, if I'm mulling over the problem in my communication with my mate.

No wonder that we find it difficult all of a sudden.

Let me change my ways and not belittle, not to go into orbit around this problem, but with a big sweet smile, an innocent gesture, Talk about solutions.

When you are involved in a problem, this one's basically the same and can't see the solution.

How do you keep from going into orbit around the problem?

The way you will keep from going into orbit around the problem, there are 2 or 3 principles that we should notice.

Number 1, we should realize how serious it is to go into orbit around the problem.

2 Corinthians 3, verse 18 says that by beholding, we're changed in the same image.

Now, as we look back over the past and we find individuals who are quarreling, and they say fighting with their tongues, you know, you say, oh, the reason why we're quarreling, The reason why we've gotten into this awful bind is because we went into the orbit around the problem.

Therefore, let us realize that the mind adapts itself to the thing it contemplates.

The mind then will be at rest as we discuss the solution.

Then, the next would be to ask the Lord to give us power to discuss solutions rather than the problem, merely identify the problem, and then say, as we have already mentioned, what would this be, would you think, as a possible solution?

Now in order to do this, we'll often, Barbara, have to fall on our knees.

And we may open our Bible and we may say to the Lord, Dear Lord, I don't have the wisdom that I need.

And I don't have the peace of mind that I need.

And so, dear Lord, will you give me wisdom to keep from going into orbit around this problem?

Will you give me wisdom to think of possible solutions so that my mate will not feel that I'm belittling him or her?

And I ask you to do it, that's the E of prayer.

I believe you're doing it, that's a B of prayer.

I thank you that I have received the wisdom that you've promised as I let you subdue self.

That's where the ABCs of prayer can really come in, if they can recognize the promises in the Bible for them.

What do you do when your mate has been nasty to you and you don't even want to communicate with them at all.

First of all, you may say to yourself, I'm perfectly normal.

Who naturally, normally, wants to communicate with somebody that's been very unkind to them, who has been sarcastic?

Now, in order to be able to have peace in our hearts when somebody's been so nasty as the questioner has stated it, let me give you an illustration.

At the close of 1 of our meetings in a certain place, a 73-year-old lady came to see me in the after service.

She said, My daughter is the most sarcastic soul that you ever have seen or heard in your life.

Throughout the day she's hurling little cutting remarks at me.

And she said, I'm living in constant suffering day after day after day.

I said, if you'll turn to Isaiah, the 26th chapter in the third verse, it says, Thou, that's the Lord, will keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on thee, because he trusteth in thee.

I said to this fine little old lady, I said, look, the next time your daughter begins to say these nasty things to you.

3 - Be A Magnet

My wife, you see, we've had some some difficulties and I don't quite understand what's going on, but she came to me the other day and told me that she's in love with John wall.

I'm not sure that you know him, but can we talk about this?

Yes, it'll be a joy to do this, and we would like to present to you 7 secrets of how to be a drawing magnet that will win her back.

But before we do this, shall we bow our heads in prayer and claim a promise from the Bible for the wisdom that God has offered us.

Dear Lord in heaven, you've promised in James chapter 1 verse 5, If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not, and it shall be given him.

You've instructed us to tell you that we believe because God cannot lie, so we believe that you are imparting to us the needed wisdom for this hour.

And as Jesus at the grave of Lazarus thanked you that he had received, So we thank you that since the gift of wisdom is in the promise for wisdom, that we do receive and have received and will realize it in Jesus' name.

Jim, It is a wonderful thing that the Bible contains at least 45 Bible laws applicable to marriage and my wife and I have been greatly intrigued to study these secrets but I think we should share with you only 7 so that it will not complicate our thinking, you see.

And these 7 secrets will take on the form of of magnetism, divine magnetism, Christ-like magnetism that are intended and promised by the Lord to win her back from the condition that she in which she finds herself now.

This is a fairly good sized magnet you see and this magnet is going to represent you and how that you can be used as a magnet to draw her because Jesus said, no man can come to me except my father which has sent me draw him.

So the way to create harmony is to be a magnet.

Then we will think of, what did you say the young man's name is who has?

Let us represent John by a smaller magnet.

Now this may seem rather paradoxical that a smaller magnet could actually apparently take Jenny away from the big magnet but we shall notice how this actually takes place and we will have a very small piece of steel and Here this piece of steel will represent Jenny your wife you'll see and Now here you are Wondering how in the world if you're a bigger magnet than John is how come that you didn't keep her in the first place?

That is how when we learn certain secrets, and these 7 that we present are not dogmatically arranged.

We've arranged them in these 7 categories to make it a little easier for the mind to comprehend them, you understand.

There are other words that we could use in place of the 7 that we are presenting, but we'll think of them as 7.

There are 2 secrets, and then there are 2 more, and then there are 3.

All secrets of magnetic drawing courtship that the Lord Jesus can use us, the result of which, in all probability, will bring Jenny back to you.

Now, Back of this magnet, since you're a Christian, back of you as a magnet, there is a tremendous heavenly magnet, Jesus Christ.

He is the great drawing power of heaven and so your strength comes from Jesus.

You take your quiet hour with Jesus you ask the Lord Jesus to help you to learn from him These magnetic principles you'll see For he says without me you can do nothing.

And again he said, except the Lord build a house, they labor in vain that build it.

And so here the first of all the 7 secrets is naturally Jesus Christ.

He is going to use this magnetic power as you become his instrument.

If you ever noticed young people as they're courting, or any individual courting, individuals, you'll notice they may not be laughing or smiling from ear to ear, but you'll notice there's a special twinkle in their eyes as their eyes meet.

They're joyful to be in each other's presence.

Now when we connect this great principle of Jesus With joy, we have the first 2 secrets of the magnetic courtship, Jesus and joy.

The Bible says in Nehemiah 8.10, the joy of the Lord is your strength.

So the strength of you as a magnet will be in part as You represent the joy of Jesus.

So whenever you contact Jenny You will not appear sorrowful You'll not whine.

If I were losing my mate, except that the great magnet Jesus Christ took over in my life, I would show a lot of pain in my eyes, be assured of that.

So whatever I share with you, Jim, You will know that the Bible says in Romans chapter 8 verse 1, there's no condemnation to them that are in Christ Jesus.

Anything that we discuss will be without condemnation to either you or to Jenny or to John, you see.

So we're studying it as objectively as we can, and as scientifically as we can, as we understand the Word of God.

So you'll apply, First of all, having come to the great magnet, Jesus Christ, you'll ask him to fill you with joy, so that when she sees your eyes that would naturally be pained, she will see a twinkle.

Now, do you think anybody can be sure that he will have a honeymoon twinkle when the mate looks at him, unless the Lord Jesus Christ gives him that honeymoon twinkle?

That's why we go back to that text, Nehemiah chapter 8 verse 10.

So we suggest that as you arise in the morning, you'll make a list of 10 things for which you are grateful.

Then each of these items like air, water, sunshine, sight, hearing, whatever you list, each 1 of these words you will then place in a sentence conforming to Nehemiah 8.10, joy plus the Lord equals strength.

That will be the strength of your drawing power on Jenny the joy of the Lord Everybody likes to see a joyful spouse Humanly speaking impossible, but as you drill yourself now and say, thank you, Lord, for the air.

Without your realizing it, the pain look in your eyes will leave and a joyful expression, a honeymoon twinkle, as we often call it, will replace that pain look.

Without your trying to work on the pain, if you start trying to work on the pain, you'll be looking in the mirror and say, do I look less pain?

So you'll go completely into the first 2 secrets, the joy of the Lord.

You'll drill yourself throughout the entire day at every opportunity that you're alone.

And without your realizing it, that honeymoon twinkle begins to shape up.

The next time she sees you, she says to herself, maybe not to you, what has happened to Jim?

His eyes look more joyful than John's, and She may not even be conscious that she's thinking of that.

She is beginning to be drawn, drawn because the strength of this magnet is joy.

So you'll start studying just like you'd study a university course.

How can I drill myself now on the joy of the Lord?

And every time you do it, you notice what happens to my eyes even as I begin to say it?

They brighten up a little, even at my age.

I suppose I could try that Yes, and that is your strength now.

Those are only 2 of the 7 drawing secrets The next 2 have to do with this magnet that may be large as contrasted with a small magnet.

On what basis would an individual with this piece of steel, on what basis would it be leaving a larger magnet for a smaller magnet?

And that brings us to this wonderful principle of magnetism the same magnet that draws If it if it gets in a different position It does what?

Repel it repels now there are 2 special secrets of the 7, which if we do not conform to, we become a repelling magnet and she begins to go.

And the magnet that is nearest to her, even though it's not a strong magnet, draws her.

She's going somewhere, but there are magnets all over the place.

4 - Unfaithful Mate

Dear Father in heaven, you've promised in Isaiah chapter 42 verse 16 to bring the blind by way that they knew not, to lead us in paths that we've not known, to make darkness light before us, to make crooked things straight, and not to forsake us.

We come asking for the fulfillment of this beautiful promise.

We believe because it's impossible for God to lie.

And since this promise contains the gift that is promised, We thank you that we have received and will realize it as we answer these questions in thy lovely name.

What if you aren't sure your mate is having an affair, you're suspicious.

If you're not sure that the mate is having an affair, and yet you are suspicious, don't give vent to that suspiciousness.

The Bible says in Romans 14, 23, whatsoever is not of faith is sin.

So every time that we speak suspiciously, Suspicion and doubt have a tendency to create the very evil that they seek to prevent.

Therefore, if this individual who wrote this question isn't sure, but has some suspicions based on certain things that they've seen transpiring, then they should immediately put into effect these 7 secrets that we've just shared together, you see.

They should talk faith, because if this mate is now being tempted, the stronger mate that is praying that they will not lose their spouse should talk faith.

Open God's promises and claim God's promises that he will give strength to the spouse.

Talking faith, talking hope, and reflecting love is the most potent remedy that they can bring.

So every 1 of these 7 secrets, Jim, that we discussed, this mate will put into effect when the mate isn't sure about the spouse.

Because if Christ can use these 7 secrets, even after the spouse is infatuated, what can happen before they're fully infatuated, you see.

The thing that will cure will certainly prevent.

So the mate should be very, very careful, very prayerful, saying, oh God, keep me from speaking a word of doubt.

Keep me from the first suspicious remark, you see.

Help me to just be used as this drawing magnet at this time when I'm not sure where I stand and I'm not sure where my mate stands.

Well, continue this question just 1 step further and deal with jealousy.

What if your suspicions are just within yourself and it's what is called jealousy?

There is proper jealousy and there's improper jealousy.

And he said, don't have any other gods before me, I'm a jealous God.

That's not the kind of jealousy that's based on inferiority or lack of security, you see.

So there is a jealousy which has a right to say, you belong to me.

For instance, speaking myself now, I belong to only 1 woman in all the world, and that's Ethel Kuhn.

She has a right to me in a way that no other woman in all the world has a right to me.

Yet, I'm a minister, and in another sense, I belong to the world.

So to properly balance my service to the world, and yet to reserve myself in the way that I should to my wife, she has a right to be jealous for me and of me, because I belong to her.

Therefore, at any point at which my relationship with someone else overlaps my proper relationship with my wife, She has a right to say, honey, I know you didn't mean anything by it.

I know you didn't mean anything by it, but you belong to me.

And then I have no right to say, but honey, listen, you're suspicious.

And the thing that you did with her is not proper as long as you're married to me.

There's another jealousy which really is a form of suspicion.

And any time that I shake hands with any lady, if my wife said, I think I saw you smiling at her in a special way, that's out of place.

Never once in my married life has my wife ever said to me, my, my, my, I saw you smile at that woman.

Never once has she said, look, I think you're a little out of place with that.

And she has a right to claim me as hers in a way no other woman in all the world, and I have no right to retaliate against that proper jealousy.

Okay, the second question is, what are you going to do when she has repeatedly promised she is through but never is?

First of all, let us diagnose human nature.

It is possible for a person to believe that she is through, to really believe it, and yet not be through.

I'm thinking of many individuals who have tried to overcome the tobacco habit.

I've gone to visit them and they've said, Pastor, I am absolutely through with tobacco.

I shall never smoke another cigarette before the day was ended They smoked another cigarette.

They were sincere in believing that they're through because temptation comes like a flood The Bible says when the tempter shall come in like a flood it comes in waves All forms of temptation come in comes in waves Sex infatuation comes in waves Cigarette infatuation comes in waves Temper comes in waves and an individual can be perfectly sincere, believe with all his heart that he's through.

But he's not studied the fact that a temptation can come within 2 hours in a wave.

Therefore, the thing to share with her is to say, I believe every word of it.

But since you're a human being, when the next wave strikes, God says in many places to stay away from any situation where the wave will wash you right in to defeat.

For instance, she says I'm through, she means it.

Don't ever call this man on the telephone.

And when you hear that voice on the telephone and you're ever so sincere, that wave can wash you right to that home.

And you mean the very best, your sincerest can be.

So she will say, I believe in you, I believe in your sincerity, I love you, I believe, or he will tell her that, I love you, but you're a human being as I'm a human being.

So we have to put ourselves outside of the strength of that wave.

That's why he said, lead us not into temptation.

We must stay away from that magnetic field.

As we stay away from the magnetic field, when that gust comes, it doesn't shove us right in the other person's arms.

We must not even talk to them on the telephone.

Do nothing that places us within the power of that wave that washes us right in the other person's arms.

Do you believe a person can or should be responsible for another person?

Series

Family Communications

6 - Spiritually Turned-off Mate

Transcript

Parent Series

Sponsor

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The History of the Church and The Reformation

01 At the Core of the Reformation

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What to Do When People Let You Down

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Preparing for the Crisis

07 Quarantined No Longer

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