Michigan Camp Meeting 2024: As For Me and My House

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Michigan Conference of Seventh-day Adventists

From Shame to Grace

Silaine Marques

01 A Biblical Journey of Healing

You are about to enjoy a presentation recorded at the 2024 Michigan Conference Camp Meeting held at Cedar Lake, Michigan.

We pray that the Lord will bless you as you listen.

Father in heaven, we are so grateful that you have brought us to this camp meeting, that you have led us here at this very moment, And I ask that the Holy Spirit will be with us and that each person will truly feel your calling, your love, your mercy, and your forgiveness.

I ask that you will be with me and anoint my lips as I talk about some difficult things, but that these will not only bring insights, but also hope.

Okay, so this is what's in our agenda for the week and I'm excited.

I'm a little nervous as well because this is my first time doing this magnitude of a presentation.

But they say that the same physiology for nervousness also happens for excitement.

So whenever you are nervous about something, instead of trying to calm yourself down, they say that you can just tell yourself you're excited because it's easier to go from nervousness to excitement because you know right my heart is pounding, I'm sweating a little bit, I'm kind of mispronouncing my words, I'm self-conscious.

So and that's the same right for excitement and for nervousness.

So yeah, it takes less energy to go to excitement instead of trying to calm myself down completely.

I do hope that this is going to be enjoyable and that we'll be able to discuss some important things.

So today, a little small, we're going to talk about core beliefs and a little bit about stigma in mental health.

On Tuesday, I want to help you recognize distorted thinking.

If you haven't heard of them, you will learn about distorted thinking on Tuesday.

And then on Wednesday, we're going to try to practice disputing distorted thoughts, including the ones related to shame.

And then on Thursday, I will talk more about shame, what it is, how it affects us, and also the power of vulnerability, which is 1 of the antidotes to shame.

And then for the last 1, I want to bring up some examples from the Bible and talk more about shame and talk about healing that we all can have and try to tie in all of this together.

For those who do not know me, I was born in Brazil, and when I was 1 year and a half, we moved to the US.

We were here for 5 years, so my formative toddler years were here, and I kind of learned English and Portuguese together, and then we moved back to Brazil.

So I completed my studies there, and I decided to go for psychology.

And as soon as I graduated, the BA there is a 5 year program.

We have the clinical psychology and we had educational side as well.

So I got a little bit of experience in different areas.

But the mental health, the clinical mental health field always interested me quite a bit.

And right after I graduated there, when I was around 22, 23 years old.

We moved back here and I went to Andrews University and that's where I had my master's in community counseling at the time, that's what it was called.

I think it's clinical mental health counseling or something like that.

So I was in Michigan for 2 years, experienced the snow and the harsh weather.

And I said, you know, maybe this is too much.

And I was thinking about where to go for my year off.

I ended up going to Thailand for a little mission work.

And I was at an orphanage there, and I had some lovely experiences, and also some challenging experiences.

And my core beliefs were starting to be put to the test, because it's when you are in uncomfortable situations is that you end up seeing, okay, what am I really made of, right?

What's, right, it's the challenges that bring out everything that's unconsciously stuck there.

And those can be noticed by our behaviors, by our emotions, and by the way we think.

And so that was Thailand, and then at the time I had a green card.

And I had to at least go to American territory to get a passport stamp to make sure that I wasn't gonna lose the green card.

And I thought, you know, it's going to be easier for me to just go to Guam, it's just a hop and a skip, instead of coming all the way back to the mainland.

And so in Guam, I started off working at the Adventist Clinic, but not as a counselor.

I still hadn't begun my professional journey.

I started off volunteering at the Guam Micronesia Mission with Pastor Torres, Pastor Louis Torres, if anybody knows him.

And then I decided to apply for a job that was at the government.

What happened was someone told me that the association for the counselors, they meet every month, and they said, why don't you just go and see if they have any openings for you.

So I go to the meeting, and the federal manager for the Department of Mental Health was there.

So I asked around and I asked him, and then he said, yeah, we have a few openings, do you wanna work with children or adults?

Yeah, just send in your resume and your curriculum and we'll interview you, we really need someone.

So I did and I went to the interview and when I least knew, there I am, getting accepted to work on Guam.

And my intention was to stay just for 6 months.

I tell you, those 6 months turned into 6 years of living on Guam.

I really enjoyed the balance in between recreational time and the work time and the missionary spirit.

And it's there that I actually grew as a Seventh-day Adventist as well, because of my friends there at the clinic and the lifestyle.

And I started realizing how much our lifestyle really plays a huge part in our health, but not only that, our mental health and our spiritual health.

We don't understand how much worldly influences can affect the way we see ourselves and the way we see God.

Destroy that, attack our views of ourselves and of God.

And so I worked there for the Guam Behavioral Health and Wellness Center, and that's 1 of the pictures.

And then, after the 6 years, things started changing a little bit.

My friends, because it's a missionary island for us Adventists, people come and go, right?

And my group of friends was changing quite a bit.

And I was feeling like I didn't necessarily need to leave, but I hit a plateau, so to speak.

And I was feeling that, you know, I needed to grow.

So I even decided that I was going to apply for another job for the Justice Department.

People would ask me, so when are you leaving, or are you leaving, or are you always gonna live here?

I don't know, I'm just going to stay here until God tells me, you know, yeah, otherwise, Exactly.

And so I had been praying, Lord if you want me to leave, give me a clear invite out.

Otherwise, even though I'm a little uncomfortable because again I hit a plateau, you know, I was feeling a little lonely, but it's okay.

I'm not gonna be the 1 moving some strings around and pulling some strings.

So I decide to come to the general conference.

I think it was in Texas at the time, 2015 General Conference.

Neil Nelly from the Weimar Institute at the time.

And because, it's a long story, but I broke my ankle when I was in Guam.

And I had lots of time on my hands, including to read all kinds of things.

And then I started using the materials and with my clients in the counseling session.

It talks about the cognitive distortions of CBT, and I'm thinking, all right, I am missing something here, because I see people come in day in, day out, month after month, year after year, chronic disorders, bipolar, schizophrenia.

I was working with the inpatient and the outpatient treatment centers.

And Sure, I'm putting out some fires, but they're going back to the same environment, right?

02 A Biblical Journey of Healing

Father in heaven, I thank you so much for bringing us all here together again and that you have something special for us.

I ask for the Holy Spirit to be in this room and that each person will come out of here more confident and understanding more about their thoughts and feelings and I just ask that you will give everyone an extra measure of your blessing in Jesus name you pray amen so what was your question sorry Cognitive behavioral therapy.

And this is a type of therapy that deals with the way you think and the way you feel.

Now Aaron Beck came up with this triangle in which you have your thoughts, your behaviors, and your emotions.

So there is a big connection right in between our thoughts, our behaviors, and emotions.

The cognitive distortions and maladaptive behaviors contributes to psychological problems.

And this will focus on understanding and changing the specific cognitive distortions or the bad ways we think, right?

And the thought processes that lead to emotional and behavioral issues.

So the thoughts, these are the interpretations, the beliefs, and perceptions we have about ourselves, others, and the world.

These are the feelings that arise in response to our thoughts and experiences.

And then the behaviors, these are the actions we take or our responses to situations based on our thoughts and emotions.

My parents live in Bering Springs and I am there, this was I think on Friday, maybe, no, this was either Thursday or Friday.

And you know it's nice being home and early in the morning my mom prepared this really nice yummy oatmeal and you know it had some nuts and some I think it was sesame seeds and I think there was some what was that other other seed I think the sunflower seeds and the walnuts and there was some fresh cherries and all the berries anyway so it was a really nice oatmeal preparation there, right?

And I'm just delighting myself with that.

And my dad just happened to be preparing to go to a vision exam and his knee is hurting and he's kind of running late already and he can barely walk because he had a flare-up on arthritis on his knee and he said, oh I think I can't drive, maybe someone would have to take me.

But I was in the middle of my breakfast, right?

So my mom, being super mom, she said, no problem, here, you take this.

She prepared this nice takeaway box for me with my oatmeal inside, with a little spoon, sent us on our way, and we're rushing out the door for the exam.

And so when we get there, I say, well, I'll just eat this while my dad does his exam, right, no problem whatsoever.

So we're there in the sitting, sitting in the waiting room and my dad is preparing some forms, you know, the intake and I'm eating my oatmeal nicely and the guy that's there maybe 1 of the staff they're sweeping the floor and I thought to myself wow I wonder if I should be eating this here it might you know what if I make a mess but then I immediately corrected myself there's no way this is a bowl of oatmeal.

If it was something crunchy, you know, like cookies or chips, sure, I could probably make a mess.

And yeah, you're already previewing, right, what will happen next.

So my dad is kind of slow with the intake because it's on a pad, like an electronic pad.

And I said, dad, let me just help you here.

So I put the oatmeal bowl just kind of on the chair that I'm sitting on, kind of on the side, without really thinking much, and all of a sudden, splat.

You know, it was oatmeal all over the place, and then we're scrambling, and I'm like, oh no, I cannot believe what just happened here.

So what do you think were the emotions I was having when I dropped the oatmeal on the floor?

Shame, embarrassment, oh, how stupid, What?

And I actually was laughing inside because I had just had the thought, there's no way I can drop this.

How am I going to make a mess with the bowl?

So and then the other lady that was there waiting immediately came up and started helping me.

I had to throw the rest of my oatmeal away and I'm all sad okay I guess I'm not used anymore and what were the thoughts that came through my mind?

The thoughts were yeah I think Jerry said how could I have thought something like that or how could I have done something like that?

That was stupid, oh no, what are they gonna think?

And then what were the behaviors that came out?

So when you make a mess, immediately I'm cleaning it up and I am apologizing, right, profusely.

That's something very simple and kind of duh, right, like kind of obvious, but how many times do we go through life without realizing what are we thinking, what are we feeling, and what are we doing.

Now the main idea about CBT and REBT is that our emotions have little to do with what happens to us, but more to do with the way we think about those situations.

So for example, if I had thought how stupid I'm such a failure, what emotions could be coming through?

If the thought is, oh this is so funny, oops, I guess I'm just going to clean it and move on, right?

Sure, it would still be slightly embarrassing, but probably there wouldn't be any kind of shame or any of the heavier emotions, right?

So the way we think will determine the emotion and the intensity of that emotion.

So we have to start paying attention of what goes through our mind.

Was it the oatmeal dropping that made me feel embarrassed?

Is it you that makes me feel angry about something?

Say you have 2 people that are about to go on a line.

They're on line to go to a roller coaster.

What could they be thinking about the roller coaster?

But if you're thinking, Oh, I love being flown around and thrown upside down.

Then the emotions will be of excitement, right?

Maybe a little bit of nervousness, but it's not gonna be fear, right?

If I think, oh, I'm pretty sure I'm gonna survive this and the probabilities of something bad happening with the robot, it does happen but it's 99.9999% right?

So we're not really thinking about that unless you're very anxious.

Anyway, the way we think controls our emotions.

My question is though, if this person was working hard, trying to clean up this floor, would it also be kind of a feeling of I have now just inconvenienced someone because I don't think you addressed that part that maybe it was like someone worked really hard and now I'm inconveniencing someone and put more work onto their plate.

However, I didn't talk to that person to know what they were thinking and actually everyone that saw that happening, what they told me was, We just feel bad for you because that oatmeal looked so good.

Sometimes we don't get to know what others are thinking.

There's a distortion called mind reading.

So sure, it could have been an inconvenience.

At the same time, I'm the 1 who went and cleaned it up as well like you know we we just cut a bunch of paper and there was a little sink there and Yeah, it was a quick 1 and done.

I think was a man was a hat left it on the bench or laid it on the bench, and somebody sat down beside him and when they got up and smashed the hat, you know.

And 1 person thought it was hilarious and another person was angry and starving, you know, and it goes on and on.

So how do you deal if that's your personality style?

Are you supposed to change to something more suitable or how does that work?

03 A Biblical Journey of Healing

Father in heaven, we are so grateful for what you're doing for us so far and for this beautiful place that we have to discuss about our thoughts, our emotions.

I ask that your Holy Spirit will be with us, that each person here will feel your presence, and that we will know and understand your kindness and your love towards us.

Okay, so before I actually start, where's the PowerPoint?

Before we start, I wanted to give a few disclaimers first 1 is That Changing your thought patterns take a lot of work.

It's not something that happens overnight.

If it took years for you to develop some kind of thought pattern or behavior, It's going to also take some time, hopefully not years, but it does take some time, right?

And it requires so much practice and intentionality, right?

Because we usually tend to be reactors and we just go day in, day out, right?

But when you start noticing more the patterns the thoughts then you'll start being able to practice and put some of these things in place so that you catch yourself right it's all about self-awareness and practicing practicing practicing And also I want to encourage you to be patient and kind with yourself.

Not just that, but we know that the Holy Spirit is here with us and He does help us.

And in Jeremiah 33, it says, call unto me, and what?

And I will answer you and show you great and mighty things that you do not know of.

Does he know what he needs, we need, right, in order to thrive, to be successful, in order to connect with him?

So please involve him in the process of changing your thoughts.

And then, again, this is really just an introduction to techniques for CBT and REBT.

So, if you are having some mental health concerns, some difficulties, please ask for professional help.

And take the things that I'm saying here with a grain of salt, because ultimately you're going to have to see for yourself, right?

Sometimes The examples that I'm giving could be triggering.

There could be things that don't necessarily apply to you specifically.

There's so many areas in which I'm not going to mention, and we can't cover everything.

And if you have any questions, you can raise your hand or come to me later and we'll talk more.

And then these will add to your strategies.

And the end of the presentation, I'm going to give you my email and I'll give you some resources, the names of the books that I've been using.

So hopefully that will be helpful as well.

But what is it that you want to put in your toolbox?

We have motivational factors, right, thinking about what motivates you to change.

We have the CBT tools, and I'll be giving you quite a few today.

We have the spiritual tools and lifestyle actions.

Are you familiar with the New START acronym?

So lifestyle is a big component to our mental health, right?

Because our bodies and our brains are very much connected.

So it's really important that you try to attack the challenges from all areas.

So the first reviewing of my previous lectures that I want to give is that I want to encourage you to get in the habit of listening to your thoughts.

Well if you want to change your thinking you know first what are you thinking?

Sometimes we don't even know what is going on in our brains right?

So a first strategy is for you to be journaling and writing things down.

Sometimes it helps for you to write down things at night, Not necessarily right after, right before you go to bed, because then the thoughts are gonna be there, but it's important for you to be able to jot things down, and sometimes that even helps with insomnia, because you're not ruminating and your thoughts aren't racing, because that's all safe on the paper, right?

So that's a strategy that we use quite a bit is to be writing things down.

There is a technique that's called brain dumping, and in brain dumping, you just freely start writing things on a paper without judging yourself, without censoring, it doesn't really even have to make that much sense, it could be just bullet points, it could be just everything that's been going through your mind, it could be to-do lists.

What about this, what do I have to do tomorrow, and how am I going to talk with so and so and oh I'm worried about X, Y and Z.

So you want to just freely put everything on a paper and then you can start categorizing the things that are there.

So what's under my control and what is not under my control?

If it's not under my control, then I can leave it aside.

If there are things from the past that you're thinking about or that makes you sad, all right, this is something that you know that you'll have to process later, but if it's affecting your day, put it aside and focus on what you can control right now, right, until you can come back to it later with a little bit more time, with maybe a friend or A counselor that's going to help you through whatever you wrote down.

Then you can monitor actively what's happening to you throughout the day.

Actively observing and recording your thoughts as they occur throughout the day, especially during emotional moments.

Sometimes we notice emotional reactions before we know what we're thinking.

I don't know what I'm thinking, but I know that I'm shaky right now and nervous, right?

Or that I'm angry, or that I'm sad because I'm crying, right?

So sometimes emotional reactions, they come up first in our mind and usually that's a telltale sign that you could be thinking something that could be off, could be distorted, could be way too intense for that situation that's happening.

So paying attention to how you're feeling is a good way as well to then prompt you to ask yourself what am I thinking that makes me feel that way.

And then you can use the ABC model and we'll review it.

Practice listening to your thoughts as if you were listening to someone else.

Respond to them with curiosity and empathy.

Series

From Shame to Grace

02 A Biblical Journey of Healing

Transcript

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