Learn how attractive people can be dangerous and why. Find out what makes people attractive, and what’s the physiology behind attraction and how that effects your partner choices.

<p>Learn how attractive people can be dangerous and why. Find out what makes people attractive, and what’s the physiology behind attraction and how that effects your partner choices.</p>

<p>Free sharing permitted under the Creative Commons <a rel="license" href="http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc-nd/3.0/us/">BY-NC-ND 3.0 (US)</a> license.</p>

Freedom Health Ministries

Attraction

Gabriel Arruda

01 Why You’re Attracted to Who You’re Attracted to

02 The 4 Parts of Attraction and Personality Types

03 What Makes People Attractive and Why Attractive People Can Be Dangerous

Okay, this is our third presentation on attraction, attraction part 3.

And I'm gonna start with some review of what we went over in the last 2 presentations.

The first point is kind of like the motto or the hallmark of this whole attraction series.

And that's a really key concept that I'm trying to drive home here in these talks.

This happens all the time, you know, like people in their 20s are attracted to different types of people than when they're in their 40s because they grow, they mature.

And so a good way to understand this, a good saying to capture this, is you have to change yourself in order to change them.

Meaning, until you change yourself, you'll always be attracted to the same type of person.

If you want to change the kind of girls or guys that you're attracted to, change yourself.

That's how you shift your attraction, by changing you.

So a motto that we came out of with the first presentation You're not going to marry who's theologically right?

You're gonna marry who's it who you're attracted to and again, you're not attracted to what's healthy You're attracted to what's familiar Hopefully those are the same things but not always not always the case And what I find is it could be a mixture.

You could be attracted to, 80% of the things you're attracted to could be healthy, but there could be a maybe 10 or 20% that things you're attracted to that are not healthy.

You can have a mixture in there and you wanna identify those things that you're attracted to that are not healthy.

All right, we also talked about the 4 different parts of attraction.

This was this golden principle brought forth by Matthew Hussey And that is admiration or respect, compatibility, which is similar beliefs, values, goals, chemistry, which would involve physical attraction, which would involve just personality types meshing well together.

And we found that all 4 of those have to be there.

So if you've ever been in a situation where, you know, you were kind of attracted to someone, or on paper, it looks like you should be attracted to the person, but you're not, and you're confused why, And you're asking yourself, am I too picky?

It could be because you have 3, only 3 out of the 4 of these.

And for instance, there are situations where the respect is there, the compatibility, shared values and beliefs is there, the commitment is there, you're both thinking marriage long term, but there's not the chemistry.

You're just not maybe very physically attracted to the person or your personalities just don't match up very well.

They just, just not really what you're looking for.

So this whole 4 parts of attraction framework explains so much, it's a beautiful principle.

Then we talked about the 4 different personality types.

Remember, negotiator, explorer, director, builder.

So these are helpful as well in understanding who you might or might not mesh with more naturally.

And then there is the whole idea of knowing yourself.

That really you can't even begin to select a mate wisely until you know yourself.

Spend your single time knowing yourself, asking the Lord to reveal you to you.

And the more you know you, the more you're gonna know what will and will not work for you in a relationship and what your heart needs are.

0, and just to follow up from the last talk, this is something, an idea that came up.

In the last talk, we talked about sexless marriages and we talked about women closing up to men.

And the idea came up, well, can't men also close off to women?

Can't it go the other way around where the woman is the 1 who wants more intimacy and the guy doesn't?

And we don't have hard statistics on how much it's 1 gender or the other, But I've seen several cases where it was the man who closed up and the woman wanted to be more physically involved and the man didn't.

In my opinion, it's more typical, the woman closing up.

So now we want to talk about, In this session, we're going to get into the physiology of attraction and we're also going to talk about the danger of attraction.

And kind of the bottom line or the premise of this presentation is that attractive people are dangerous.

You heard me, attractive people are dangerous.

Of course, everyone wants an attractive mate, right?

No 1 says, hey, God, please give me someone super ugly.

And the idea is, is that we can be so affected by the feelings of attraction that you may not be able to see straight.

And what I want to show you here is that attractive people have a lot of power on us.

Perhaps you even heard the phrase, oh, he's wrapped around her finger, or, you know, phrases like this shows the manipulative power of attraction.

And to illustrate this, I wanna start with a story of Jeremy Meeks.

Jeremy Meeks was a Bay Area felon who he got pulled over, they found firearms in his vehicle, had also a previous record, took a mugshot, he had a very long rap sheet of weapons and violence and gangs and According to him to an interview that I saw that was done on him been locked up about half of his life.

And so he got arrested for possession of weapons, took a mugshot.

The police posted it on Facebook to kind of show their great progress in curbing violence, gun violence.

And I believe it was at Vallejo where this took place.

And a friend who was visiting him at the jail told him, hey, that mugshot that they took of you, they posted it on Facebook, it's gone viral.

And from his jail cell, he could see a TV in the hallway and he would look at the TV and on every news station he was seeing his mugshot and it was incredible.

The the Facebook page that the police posted the mugshot on, The image of his mugshot got 100, 000 likes.

I bet the police department never had that many likes even in the last 10 years.

And all these funny memes, I don't know if they're so funny, but all these memes came out like hot con and prison babe, and memes like breaks into your house and steals your heart and takes your breath away along with your car, big-screen TV and credit cards.

So it was it was kind of like this ironic situation but it really was a thing.

Within 72 hours of his mugshot going viral, he was getting 3 to 400 letters every day being delivered to his jail cell.

All love letters mixed in there were a bunch of inappropriate pictures, lots of women declaring their love to him and His life completely changed during his stay in county jail he received according to him 45 different contract offers modeling contracts Management contracts movie and acting contracts And he said it was super stressful for him.

He said he'd never even seen a contract before.

And it was like reading French or something.

And when he got released, life got really crazy.

He actually shot in 5 different movies, only in 10 months.

He started walking the most prestigious runways in the fashion world.

We're talking Paris and Milan, et cetera.

And you just could see he's taking pictures with all the biggest musicians and biggest actors.

This guy was arrested for gun, possession of weapons, and has had a history of violence.

And yet all these women were throwing themselves at him, just completely overlooking anything negative he had ever done, and just, you know, awing over this guy.

It's a good example of how big a role attraction or being attractive, an attractive person or someone we perceive as attractive can have on us.

The dating site, OKCupid, they had people rate attractive people and then kind of list things of what they thought about their personality.

What they found through this survey they did on OKCupid is that people rate attractive people as having a better personality than non-attractive people.

And they rate attractive people as usually being more smart and more competent.

So when you're deemed attractive, you don't just get good-looking.

People think you're more competent just by the virtue of you have nice aesthetics.

This is something that they call the halo effect where you get unnecessary credit because of your looks.

Even in the justice system, well, unfortunately we found that the justice system isn't blind to beauty.

A large study examining the crimes tried in courts noted that fines and bail levels tended to be greater for defendants that were rated less attractive by the observers." Did you hear that?

Ugly people got worse sentences than attractive people.

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Series

Attraction

03 What Makes People Attractive and Why Attractive People Can Be Dangerous

Transcript

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