Learn why finding out who you’re naturally attracted to is so important how navigate the good and bad aspects of it. Learn what heart needs are and why you’ll never be truly satisfied in a relationship without them. Learn how personality types effect attraction and what to do with your single time.

<p>Learn why finding out who you’re naturally attracted to is so important how navigate the good and bad aspects of it. Learn what heart needs are and why you’ll never be truly satisfied in a relationship without them. Learn how personality types effect attraction and what to do with your single time.</p>

<p>Free sharing permitted under the Creative Commons <a rel="license" href="http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nc-nd/3.0/us/">BY-NC-ND 3.0 (US)</a> license.</p>

Freedom Health Ministries

Attraction

Gabriel Arruda

01 Why You’re Attracted to Who You’re Attracted to

02 The 4 Parts of Attraction and Personality Types

03 What Makes People Attractive and Why Attractive People Can Be Dangerous

All right, this is Attraction, presentation 2.

And in our last talk, we talked about trauma and dysfunction and how they affect attraction.

We talked about trauma bonding, bad boy syndrome.

We addressed Do opposites attract or do similars attract?

These are some of the questions that we covered.

But I really should have had this in the last talk, but I'm going to bring it up here.

We wanna ask the question, why is it even important for you to understand who you're naturally attracted to?

Well, from our last talk, remember, we found that you're going to get together with whoever you're attracted to, not the theologically correct person.

And so why is it important to understand who you're naturally attracted to?

Number 1, to catch bad things that you're attracted to.

I mean here's the problem, you can be naturally attracted to qualities that are unhealthy.

I mean, if all of our natural attractions were good, I wouldn't need to give this talk.

I would just say, I would just sound like a Disney character and I would just tell you, go follow your heart, you'll be fine.

But the fact is we're attracted to things that are not always healthy for us.

And the bottom line is you're attracted to what's familiar more than what's healthy.

You're attracted to what's familiar more than what's healthy.

And if what's familiar is not healthy, you'll be attracted to it.

So that's number 1, catch bad things you're attracted to.

Number 2, to avoid people who cannot meet your heart needs.

So everyone, based on who they are, has fundamental things that they need to be happy in a relationship.

I've always been very affectionate with the women in my life.

I mean from the time I was a little boy with my mom and my grandma, you know, my mom she was a short Salvadorian woman and remember in the morning as a teenager, I would come and give her a hug and her head would come up to about midway up my chest and I would just grab her head and hug her head and kiss the top of her head.

Hugs, holding hands, random affection, it just fills my tank.

And so if a girl's not interested in physical affection and she's not interested in learning how to be, you know, that's fine for her, but she's just not for me.

I could never truly be happy in that relationship.

Do you know it's okay to look for someone who will bring happiness into your life?

Let me quote the book, Avenus Home, page 45.

It says, let a young man seek 1 to stand by his side, who is fitted to bear her share of life's burdens.

1 whose influence will ennoble and refine him, listen, and who will make him happy in her love." Yeah, it's okay to look for people who will make you happy in their love.

Now, you don't want someone to, you know, try to take the place of God, but overall you want someone who's going to make you happy.

Of course everyone has pros and cons, but generally speaking, that person should make you happy.

We will compromise these heart needs if the person is hot enough.

Just to be really blunt, we will compromise those heart needs if they're hot enough, or if we don't know what those needs are, or if that person scratches some dysfunctional itch in us, you will compromise the things that you really, truly need to be happy in a relationship.

So understanding who you're attracted to and catching bad things that you're attracted to prevents you from compromising those key heart needs that you need to be happy in a relationship.

And I just wanna say, don't compromise with your heart needs because your heart won't compromise with you.

Do not compromise with your heart needs because your heart will not compromise with you.

No matter how much you try to force yourself, the rules of the heart will not bend.

If you're wired a certain way, you're wired a certain way.

And sure, you can make accommodations, you can make it work, but deep down you will not truly feel fulfilled.

Let's say you realize, you know, I really need someone who's a good listener, but I married someone who only wants to talk about themselves.

I mean, no matter how much you tell yourself they're a great person, they provide, you know, they, whatever, they're just not going to fulfill you in that area.

And that's just a fact that the heart has rules.

You know, you're in that marriage, you made your vows, make it work.

I mean, speaking to those of us here and on the single end to prevent getting in that situation to begin with?

Absolutely, let me give you another example.

We talked about those attachment types the last period, the last talk.

Those people with anxious attachment types cannot thrive with people who are emotionally distant.

Or you could say avoidance, people who are indecisive, an uncommitted partner.

People with anxious attachment types can never feel truly fulfilled and at peace with an avoidant person.

And you could tell yourself, you know, hey, they're a great person, they're attractive, whatever, does not matter.

Your heart will not compromise with you, so don't compromise with your heart.

This one's kind of touchy, but I'm just gonna go for it.

There is such a thing as sexless marriages.

There are women who cannot have sex with their husbands.

I've listened to a few counseling sessions of several couples in this situation, and 1 thing you see over and over is this poor wife, she's frustrated because she knows she should want to have sex with her husband, and it makes her so sad to see her husband feeling so rejected and so down, but she simply cannot bring herself to engage in that act of intimacy with him.

Well there's many reasons, but the ones that I've seen regularly are at her core she feels rejected by him.

And you know, the act of sex and intimacy, it's letting someone in, especially from the female perspective.

And if you feel rejected by that person or unsafe with that person, it's hard to let them in.

So, and 1 thing I see a consistent theme with the cases of this that I have seen, and that is a husband who is constantly critical, a man who is just always critical.

Just for some women, someone can tolerate it, some women it just drives them up and they cannot be intimate with that man.

And here's the thing, if the heart says no, the body will follow.

And you know, because they didn't sort this out beforehand, because they didn't think about, hey, what are my heart needs?

They found themselves in this terrible situation.

And here's the thing, people marry people who don't have the capacity to truly make them happy.

Series

Attraction

02 The 4 Parts of Attraction and Personality Types

Transcript

Description

Parent Series

Sponsor

Recorded

Relationships

The Lifetime Laptop Shop

54m

Understanding Difficult Topics

3. The 1000 Years of Peace

1h 10m

GYC SE 2011 Seminar: Relationships

From Self-Protection to Soul Connection

1h

Encounters With Jesus

Jesus’ Encounter with Philip and Nathanael

38m

Sabbath School 3rd Quarter 2025: Exodus

10 The Covenant and the Blueprint

27m

How Do We Know We Are at the End?

20m

The Arrogance of Knowledge

36m

Pre-Edit Audio Screening - Part 2

1h 3m

GYC SE 2013: How to Avoid a Breakup

Safeguarding Your Relationship

1h

Science of Worship

14 - Beautiful Believing Rest

1h 9m

The Inspired Word

The Inspired Word- Part 4

1h 15m

How to Give a Bible Study?

49m

Sound Doctrine