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Advent HOPE Sabbath School

Phil Mills

Courtship Decisions

It has been a blessing to be here and to be with my daughter and her husband.

When your children are happily married and it's been done right, you can't know what a parent feels like.

Every time I think of Rachel and Eric, I'm just delighted with the son-in-law that God has seen fit to add to our life.

He shared with me something that I thought I should share with you.

I just typed it in so if there's some typing errors, you'll know why.

This is from Neil Warren, Finding the Love of Your Life.

Why do some individuals choose their lifelong partner so poorly?

Because they have received almost no instruction about how to do it well.

And how in the world are you supposed to make such a brilliant choice when you have been coached so little.

So much of the coaching that does exist is outrageously superficial and ultimately destructive.

For instance, Margaret Kent's 1987 bestselling book, How to Marry the Man of Your Choice, proudly boasts, this book examines the techniques of manipulation.

You will learn how to manipulate others and how to prevent others from manipulating you.

Kent tells women the 20 places to look for a man, how criticisms can make him fall in love with you, and how to develop their own sales pitch.

She claims her book will guide you to the altar, regardless of your looks, your past, your age." most of these people who are writing these books themselves had to say, are divorced.

Well just by way of review what we have been looking at we looked at last night not to despise the wonderful opportunities of unmarried ministry we looked at how to recognize God's timing for courtship sufficient age which the bible says is approximately these are rules of thumb, but approximately what?

About 20 years old, where you have your physical, mental, and financial abilities and sufficient experience.

Now if a person is 20 and not married, that means they're in trouble?

Then this morning we looked at how to examine the genuineness of our love for God and others.

If we don't love God and others, it's going to be hard for us to unselfishly and genuinely love a spouse.

And that reminds me of the quest that God put me on to study his plan for my life.

And years ago as a junior medical student, for about 3 months I studied virtually night and day when I wasn't studying medical things.

I was studying what does God say about courtship and marriage?

At the time I thought I was going to be single, but we were having a seminar on courtship and marriage.

And so I was exploring it in depth and over at the Heritage Room here at Loma Linda, trying to find the various material.

And so that Our seminar would be biblical, it would be based on inspired instruction.

And I ran across some things that troubled me, I have to tell you.

For example, she said that generally a physician, which I was planning to be, needed to be married.

And here I had my heart set on being single, surviving all of the dangers of married life by being happily single.

But Here was this instruction that doctors, as a general rule, should be married.

And then there was the instruction that typically, Again, these aren't hard and fast, but in letters that you wrote, what I was gleaning, I was trying to find God's instruction for my life.

I ran across the statement that nurses or other physicians, or I concluded the principle would be in many cases a health professional makes a good match for a physician.

And so I put this all down and I gave it to the Lord on the altar, but I decided that given the instruction that I should contact my parents.

So my parents came out and I talked to my dad and I said, dad you made such a good choice on your mother that I need your help.

And I gave him a list of 5 girls from which to draw.

And by that time, basically when I would meet somebody, if it was somebody that I thought might have potential, I would say, God, would you add that 1 to the list?

And so there were 5 of which there were top tier and then the others.

And so my dad looked at him and he says, you know, Phil, he said, every 1 of those 2 top tier girls was certainly fine quality.

But he said, the 1 that I think best matches you is Sherry.

So I did nothing further about it for time.

And as I share with you the importance of our topic today, if I remember I'll tell you the rest of the story.

Let's just bow our heads and ask the Lord to help us as we study how God wants to guide us in happy homes.

Father in heaven, I thank you so much for this opportunity to share and Learn and study your word.

Whether you've placed us in a situation that we can counsel with others or in the situation of being counseled by others.

Dear Jesus, please send your spirit that we can understand and correctly apply.

Help us not to get weird ideas, rigid thoughts.

Help us to have common sense and may the Holy Spirit help us in this study we pray in Christ's name, Amen.

I'd like us to look at the principles of courtship and marriage, the dating.

What we don't have time to cover is in this 20-page little pamphlet that I prepared.

It's actually got some parts that we will not have time to cover, but I put together all of the Spirit of Prophecy material on courtship and marriage that I could find.

And then I did 1 thing in 1 section of it that we won't cover.

I was interested in all the questions that a prophet said to ask about courtship and marriage.

And so I found there are 5 questions that a fellow should ask about a prospective husband.

Also found, I mean, Not Adam and Steve, no.

But since Ellen White was a woman, she particularly gives insight for women.

There are 18 questions that a woman should ask about a perspective mate.

And so those questions are in there for your meditation.

Don't just read them, think about them, meditate on them and find out how you can get those questions answered without answering the 5 questions you girls, without answering the questions for yourself.

The first aspect when you are of sufficient age and experience is judicious counsel.

Proverbs 11.14 says, where no counsel is, the people fall, but in the multitude of counselors there is safety.

Proverbs 20.18, every purpose is established by counsel.

Proverbs 15 22 without counsel purposes are disappointed.

Letter 95 1886 This concerns your happiness more than any other event of your life, and you need counsel and advice here more than on any other point.

The importance of counsel we're looking at.

Counsel you see differentiates the wise and the foolish person.

Proverbs 12, 15, the way of a fool is right in his own eyes, but he that hearkeneth unto counsel is wise.

Proverbs 19, 20, hear counsel and receive instruction that thou mayest be wise in thy latter end.

And of course, Matthew 7.24, Therefore, Whosoever heareth these sayings of mine, and doeth them, I will liken unto him a wise man, which built his house upon a rock." You want to know the diagnostic test for a person who is wise and a person who is otherwise?

The foolish and the wise Jesus showed the difference with.

When so much misery results from marriage, why will not the youth be wise?

Why will they continue to feel that they do not need the counsel of older and more experienced persons?

We could multiply texts on this, but don't date and certainly don't marry an individual that despises counsel or authority.

It also is the distinction between a true and a false Christian.

Psalm 73, 24, Thou shalt guide me with thy counsel, and afterward receive me to glory.

Many who profess to love and fear God choose to follow the bent of their own minds rather than take counsel of infinite wisdom.

In a matter which vitally concerns the happiness and well-being of both parties for this world and the next, reason, judgment, and the fear of God are set aside, and blind impulse, stubborn determination is allowed to control." I remember watching a young friend of mine back in Hartford days, and I watched this individual and Their parents suggested that they comb their hair in a certain way, and this person refused to do that, this child.

And I watched that, and I thought, and I remember the Holy Spirit impressing, well I didn't know it was the Holy Spirit at the time, but I can see now it was.

I was impressed that if this young person, just like I were probably 11 or 12, wouldn't listen to his parents in things that didn't matter, He probably wouldn't listen to his parents when it came to something that mattered like courtship and marriage.

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Courtship Decisions

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